-
16 Nov 2009 00:05
-
15 Nov 2009 08:40
WEEK OF NOVEMBER 15, 2009
For some consumers, good environmental citizenship is important even when choosing among sex accessories. No longer will they tolerate plastic personal vibrators made with the softeners called phthalates; or body lubricants that contain toxic chemicals typically found in, say, antifreeze; or leather restraints from slaughtered cattle. In an October issue, Time magazine described a market of organic lubricants, biodegradable whips and handcuffs, vegan condoms, and glass or mahogany vibrators (even hand-crankable models, eliminating the need for batteries). Some Catholic Church officials have also embraced the concept to further denounce chemical and latex birth controls, re-characterizing the traditional "rhythm" family planning as the back-to-nature detection of ovulation via body signals. [Time, 10-26-09]The Entrepreneurial SpiritThe British retailer Debenhams announced in September that it would begin selling men's briefs whose opening is more accessible from the left side, for left-handers who have been forced for decades to manipulate a right-side opening. Previously, said a Debenhams executive, "(L)eft-handed men have to reach much further into their pants, performing a Z-shaped maneuver through two 180-degree angles before achieving the result that right-handed men perform with ease." [Reuters, 9-23-09]
Troubling Products: Mattel is accepting pre-orders for the April 2010 release of the newest doll in the Barbie/Ken line, the spiffily dressed Palm Beach Sugar Daddy Ken (apparently to be showcased with a much younger, trophy-type Barbie). [EntertainmentEarth.com, 10-28-09]
Even more troubling (but so far only a prototype) is Alex Green's "Placenta Teddy Bear," exhibited in London in September and Newcastle, England, in October at the "(re)design" showcase of "sustainable toys" with children's themes. After the placenta is cured and dried, it is treated with an emulsifier to render it pliable and cut into strips with which to stitch Teddy together, thus "unify(ing)" mother and baby. [Discover Magazine blogs, 10-1-09]
Animal Weird NewsCNN, reporting from the London Zoo in August, described the excitement surrounding news that the zoo would soon acquire a 12-year-old male gorilla from a preserve in France. Zoo officials were pleased, but its three older female gorillas were almost ecstatic. Shown posters of "Yeboah," the male, female "Zaire" "shrieked in delight"; "Effie" wedged the poster into a tree and stared at it; and "Mjukuu" held the photo close to her chest, "then ate it." [CNN, 8-28-09]
Gay Vulture Tricks: The births of two chicks on the same day at the Jerusalem Biblical Zoo in April was unusual enough but especially noteworthy because of the birds' lineage. Their fathers were a gay vulture couple about 10 years ago, according to a report in the Israeli daily Haaretz, and zoo caretakers provided them an artificial egg to "incubate" until they could replace the egg with a just-hatched vulture, as if the male-male couple had birthed it. In "an insane coincidence," said a zoo official, the two males eventually separated and paired with females, and those females hatched eggs on the same day last April. Two weeks ago, according to Haaretz, the two chicks achieved independence on the same day and were moved to the zoo's aviary. [Haaretz (Tel Aviv), 9-21-09]
Among the species discovered recently in Papua New Guinea were tiny bear-like creatures, frogs with fangs, fish that grunt, kangaroos that live in trees, and what is probably the world's largest rat (with no fear of humans). Scientists from Britain, the United States and Papua New Guinea announced the findings in September, among more than 40 new species from a jungle habitat a half-mile deep inside the centuries-dormant Mount Bosavi volcano crater. [The Guardian (London), 9-7-09]
Leading Economic IndicatorsPeople With Too Much Money: A young, media-shy Chinese woman, identified only as "Mrs. Wang" and photographed in jeans, a T-shirt and baseball cap, purchased an 18-month-old Tibetan mastiff in September for a reported 4 million yuan (about $585,000). She ordered a motorcade of 30 luxury cars to meet her and the dog on their arrival in Xi'an, in Shaanxi province. The price is almost four times the previous reported high for the purchase of a dog (a cloned Labrador, by a Florida family). [The Times (London), 9-11-09]
Circular Reasoning: Surprisingly, the recession otherwise felt in the Phoenix area this year has largely spared one "profession": psychics. An October Arizona Republic report found that while longtime clients tended to reduce their use of astrology and related fields, their business was replaced by a new class of customers desperate to know the future -- those facing financial ruin because of bad home mortgages. (Few, wrote the reporter, seemed to sense the irony of purchasing questionable psychic services to overcome the consequences of questionable mortgage decisions.) [Arizona Republic, 10-9-09]
Hyperactive SeniorsNot Too Old to Do Her Own Hit: Elsa Seman, 71, was shot and killed in North Versailles, Pa., in September, when she was mistaken for a prowler. According to police, Seman had gone to the home of her ex-boyfriend at night and, dressed in black, commando-style, was lying in wait in his yard with a pistol, intending to kill him. A neighbor called in the report of a prowler, and a police officer arriving at the scene fatally shot Seman. [Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, 9-21-09]
Not Too Sickly for a Career in Bank Robbery: Police in Southern California know what the man looks like (from surveillance video) but have not yet apprehended the well-dressed, 70ish man who has robbed four banks since August, with the latest being a Bank of America in Rancho Santa Fe in October. The man has shown special dexterity to pull off the robberies, since he is on oxygen and has to carry around his own tank. [KSWB-TV (San Diego), 10-27-09]
Fine Points of British LawA September inquest into the 2007 suicide of a 26-year-old woman found that doctors at Norfolk and Norwich Hospital could have saved her, but that because she had executed a living will ordering no treatment, they rebuffed the pleas of family members to treat her because, they said, they feared the woman would sue them if she recovered. [Daily Telegraph, 9-30-09]
An employment judge ruled in September that Tim Nicholson could use the "religion" claim for employment discrimination to sue the firm Grainger PLC, in Newcastle, even though the disputes he had with management were ostensibly just political -- about his fear of global climate change. Judge David Sneath said he found Nicholson's ecology convictions so sincere and all-encompassing that they amounted to religious beliefs. [The Guardian, 9-6-09]
Recurring ThemesDrug-Runners Who Needed to Keep a Lower Profile: Michael Dennis, 22, of Mahoning Township, Pa., dared to speed in May, police said, even though he had 100 packets of heroin in the back seat. [The Morning Call (Allentown), 5-18-09]
Mark Smith of Winslow, Ariz., dared to run a stop sign in Philadelphia in September, police said, even though he was carrying 11 pounds of heroin in the back of his SUV. [Philly.com, 9-3-09]
The driver of an 18-wheeler dared to make an illegal lane change on Interstate 15 in Riverside County, Calif., in August, deputies said, even though he was hauling 14 tons of marijuana. All were arrested, and all drugs seized. [Press-Enterprise (Riverside), 8-27-09]
A News of the Weird Classic (October 2002)Performance-Enhancing Substances: University of Wisconsin-Madison veterinarians said in September 2002 that they now have the technology to detect the fraudulent use of three udder-beautifying schemes employed on show cows at dairy exhibits. Forty percent of a cow's grade is on how full, symmetrical and smooth her udders are (but unlike in, say, human beauty contests, cow udders are important only for their milk-producing potential). Tests of the milk can detect whether saline was injected into the udder, and ultrasound can reveal whether the udder has received isobutane gas "foamies" or a liquid silver protein that does for the udder what Botox does for human wrinkles. [Milwaukee Journal Sentinel, 9-28-02]
Thanks This Week to Sam Gaines, Wil Howitt, Kathryn Wood, Hal Dunham, and Red Williams, and to the News of the Weird Board of Editorial Advisors.
-
09 Nov 2009 08:54
-
08 Nov 2009 02:58
WEEK OF NOVEMBER 8, 2009
Procter & Gamble announced in October that it will once again create and host a public restroom for the holiday season in New York City's Times Square as a promotion for Charmin tissue. Last year's installation was merely specially outfitted toilet facilities, but this year P&G will upgrade by hiring five bloggers ("Charmin Ambassadors") to "interact" with the expected "hundreds of thousands of bathroom guests" and write about their experiences with Charmin tissue on the company's Web site (and include "family-friendly" photographs). P&G is calling the campaign "Enjoy the Go." [Business Courier of Cincinnati, 10-20-09] Compelling Explanations"Therapeutic" Sex: The U.S. Tax Court ruled in September that William Halby, 78, owes back taxes because he improperly tried to deduct $300,000 over a five-year period for "medical" expenses that were merely purchases of sex toys and pornography and payments to prostitutes. Halby said the activities relieved his "depression," in that he had no other sexual outlets. The court reminded Halby (a retired New York tax lawyer) that prostitution is illegal in New York. [Forbes, 9-17-09]
James Pacenza, 60, of Montgomery, N.Y., who was fired by IBM in 2003 after he continued to visit an Internet sex-chat room during work hours, renewed his challenge to the termination in September, telling a federal appeals court that his Internet sex "addiction" is a result of post-traumatic stress disorder from combat in the Vietnam war. [St. Petersburg Times-AP, 9-22-09]
Robin Magee, a law professor at Minnesota's Hamline University, was charged with state income tax evasion in September for failing to file in 2007 and for filing returns for 2004, 2005 and 2006 only very recently. Magee told the St. Paul Pioneer Press that she was "unable" to file on time because she has "extreme" attention-deficit disorder. Among the lapses of attention, according to prosecutors, was Magee's claim of eight tax exemptions, even though she is single and has no dependents. [St. Paul Pioneer Press, 9-9-09]
Parenting Made Simple: The father of the baby is only 13 years old, but his own dad told reporters in Manchester, England, in October that the kid "will make a good father" and "is taking his responsibilities very seriously." He is "mature for his age" and "knows what he's about." The new dad said he plans to quit school and work full-time to support the child and the 16-year-old mother (though the earning power of a 13-year-old is uncertain). [Daily Telegraph (London), 10-3-09]
IroniesThe French-speaking citizens of Quebec, said to feel chronically underappreciated in English-speaking Canada, might have received a boost in spirits in September when the Canadian military ordered its airmen assigned to the North American Aerospace Defense Command to learn French. However, the contract was awarded to French instructors of a company in the United States, which many Canadians feel is even more chronically overappreciated. [Agence France-Presse, 9-30-09]
The Litigious SocietyWith lawsuits piling up on Bank of America during the current economic downturn, Dalton Chiscolm found a new angle. In September, he sued the bank in federal court in New York City for inadequate customer service concerning his checks' routing numbers and asked for damages of "1,784 billion, trillion dollars" plus an additional "$200,164,000." Judge Denny Chin gave Chiscolm 30 days to better explain his complaint but dismissed it finally on Oct. 23. (BBC News reported that the first amount, which is 1,784 followed by 21 zeros, is more money than exists on the planet.) [Reuters, 9-25-09] BBC News, 10-23-09]
Leadership in ActionNew Jersey's Least-Savvy Politician: In a courtroom in October, Atlantic City (N.J.) Councilman (and Baptist minister) Eugene Robinson, 67, explained that he had no intention of having sex that night in November 2006 when a prostitute tricked him into a motel tryst (as a set-up by his political enemies). "I was waiting for God to send me the (woman) that's (destined) to be my Christian wife," he said, and since he hadn't had sex "since 1989," he said he thought this was the chosen woman. Robinson, now in poor health, did not run for re-election. [Philly.com-AP, 10-14-09]
In his campaign for election to the school board in Birmingham, Ala., Antwon Womack, 21, issued biographical materials claiming to be 23 years old; to be a graduate of a local high school and of Alabama A&M; to be a bona fide resident of Birmingham; to be properly addressed as "Dr."; and to have chaired three previous political campaigns. After inquiries by the Birmingham News, Womack acknowledged in August that none of those claims is true. However, he defended his campaign and his principles: "My values are not lies. It's just (that) the information I provided to the people is false." [Birmingham News, 8-19-09]
Something in the Darwin Water Supply?During a three-week period in September and October, three couples in the Darwin, Australia, area aroused police attention for having uninhibited sex in public. On Sept. 13, a 29-year-old man and a 23-year-old woman were fully engaged in their vehicle (stolen, said police) at a gas station in full view of passers-by. They persisted, ignoring a police officer's order to stop. Two weeks later, an intoxicated couple taken into custody by police were seen having sex by the motorist following directly behind the police paddy wagon. On Oct. 6, 25 miles south of Darwin, a 33-year-old man was charged with reckless driving after he crashed his car into a concrete drain while having sex with a 34-year-old woman in the front seat. (The woman later denied the charge, in earthy language, to a reporter from the Northern Territory News.) [Northern Territory News (Darwin), 9-15-09, 10-2-09, 10-15-09]
Michael Spagnola, 38, of Colden, N.Y., was charged with DUI in October after a sheriff's deputy stopped Spagnola's car and noticed the man climbing from the driver's seat into the back. Spagnola then told the deputy (from the back seat) that, though he had been drinking, he was not the one driving. However, the deputy noted, there was no one else in the car. [Buffalo News, 10-16-09]
Cesar Lopez, 29, was arrested at the Turkey Hill Minit Market in Lebanon, Pa., in October when he emerged from a restroom looking for something inside the baseball cap he was carrying. A police officer noticed that a small baggie was stuck to the top of Lopez's forehead and speculated that Lopez had stowed the baggie (found later to contain marijuana) inside the sweatband of the cap but that when he removed the cap in the restroom, the baggie remained stuck to his head. [Lebanon Daily News, 10-14-09]
No Longer WeirdAdding to the list of stories that were formerly weird but which now occur with such frequency that they must be retired from circulation: (91) The apparently irresistible urge of curious men to tinker in workshops with live ammunition, such as the attempt by a 57-year-old man in Charleston, W.Va., in August to drill through a bullet in order to make a keychain ornament. (The resulting explosion tore up his left hand, but he was not expected to lose it.) [WSAZ-TV (Charleston, W.Va.), 8-26-09]
(92) The "Lysistrata"-style organized withholding of sex by wives in male-dominated third-world countries as a means of influencing their husbands' behavior. (However, in Kenya, one husband fought back in May by filing a lawsuit in Nairobi High Court against the women's group whose recent strike was somewhat successful. The man asked for compensation for his "anxiety" and "sleepless nights.") [Agence France-Presse, 5-8-09]
A News of the Weird Classic (August 1999)The New York Times disclosed in June 1999 that about 2,000 obsolete, unfunctioning fire hydrants remain in place in New York City, each dry for almost 20 years, whose only purpose is to allow the city to collect fines from motorists who park too close to them. Supposedly, a contractor will begin removing them soon, but since that costs about $6 million, the project may be delayed. [New York Times, 6-16-99]
Thanks This Week to Kathryn Wood, Peter Wardley, Paul Deguara, John Wriedt, Cathy Wojciechowski, Sasha Oberheim, and Carl McGlore, and to the News of the Weird Board of Editorial Advisors.
-
02 Nov 2009 05:22
-
01 Nov 2009 00:58
(.M134)
WEEK OF NOVEMBER 1, 2009
LEAD STORY
Recent Precision-Tuning of the Fruitfly Brain: Scientists at England's University of Oxford know how to make fruitflies scared of things they weren't scared of previously -- by implanting artificial memories in their brains after somehow locating and managing the precise 12 neurons that enable the flies to learn things. The implanted "danger" (the smell of sweat-soaked athletic shoes) causes the flies to scatter at the first whiff. [New York Times, 10-20-09]Scientists at the University of Toronto know how to make fruitflies sexually attractive to flies of both sexes and to different fly species -- by removing the specific hydrocarbon brain cells that produce the pheromones thought to attract sex-specific mates. (Only the choice of partners was modified and not horniness level.) [BBC News, 10-14-09]
Government in ActionSmall-Town Mayors: For three weeks in September, budget-conscious Mayor Sallie Peake of Wellford, S.C., barred the police from chasing perpetrators of crimes in progress, even if officers drove at the speed limit. Officers were instructed, instead, to arrest suspects later in their homes. (The mayor, under siege, rescinded the policy on Sept. 24.) [WSPA-TV (Spartanburg), 9-20-09, 9-24-09]
Mayor Stu Rasmussen, 61, of Silverton, Ore., elected last year even though he dresses openly as a woman, drew criticism from officials of a community group in July when he addressed students while wearing a miniskirt and a swimsuit top. Critics suggested he should dress at least in "professional" women's clothes when speaking to youth groups. [KATU-TV (Portland), 7-23-09]
New York City, which is sued more than 1,000 times a year, has a policy of settling some lawsuits quickly to avoid the risk of expensive judgments. The New York Daily News reported in October that more than 20 lawsuits, going back several years, were filed by members of the East 21st Street Crew (a well-known Brooklyn gang notorious for selling crack cocaine), and that the city has settled every time, paying out more than $500,000. The "civil rights" lawsuits were over possibly illegal searches and for criminal charges that the city later dismissed. [New York Daily News, 10-11-09]
Great Art!Worth Every Dollar: New Zealand's Waikato National Contemporary Art Award in September (worth the equivalent of US$11,000) went to Dane Mitchell, whose entry consisted merely of discarded packaging materials from all the other exhibits vying for the prize. Mitchell called his pile "Collateral." (Announcement of the winner was poorly received by the other contestants.) [Waikato Times, 9-8-09]
At a Christie's auction in September in New York City, London artist Gavin Turk's empty, nondescript cardboard box (the size of an ordinary moving-company box) sold for $16,000. (Actually, it was a sculpture designed to look exactly like an empty, nondescript cardboard box.) [New York Post, 9-2-09]
Britain's Clumsiest Art Patron: On the opening day of a Tate Modern gallery exhibit in London on Oct. 14, 12,500 visitors examined Polish artist Miroslaw Balka's installation of a 100-by-42-by-32-foot box that is pitch black inside, lined with light-absorbing material. However, only one of the patrons managed to bump hard enough into a wall of the container to draw blood. [Agence France-Presse, 10-14-09]
Police ReportSensitive! St. Paul, Minn., police were called to the 1300 block of Desoto Street in July by a 43-year-old man, who demanded that a report be filed because he had found a slice of half-eaten pizza near his fence and thought it represented someone's intent to "harass" him. [Pioneer Press (St. Paul), 7-30-09]
A 56-year-old man was cited by police in Carlisle, Pa., in September after a complaint from neighbor Brian Taylor, 43, who swore that the man had flicked a toothpick onto the sidewalk in front of Taylor's home just to "annoy" him. [Patriot-News (Harrisburg), 9-22-09]
A nine-hour, 16-officer search of the home of alleged drug kingpin Michael Difalco, near Lakeland, Fla., in March, apparently was not exciting enough. Surveillance video (from Difalco's security system) released by police in September showed that the easily distracted officers also took time out to play spirited frames of bowling on Difalco's Wii game. Since the detectives were unaware of the camera, they uninhibitedly pumped their fists and shouted gleefully with every strike. Police supervisors acknowledged the unprofessional behavior but said the search nonetheless was productive. [Tampa Tribune, 9-21-09]
Things You Thought Didn't Happen AnymoreBombastic financier R. Allen Stanford was able to maintain secrecy in the multibillion-dollar Ponzi scheme he allegedly operated for years out of a bank in Antigua because he and Antigua's chief bank regulator had met in secret in 2003 and taken an actual "blood oath" of loyalty. The hematic bonding was revealed by Stanford's No. 2 executive, James Davis, who pleaded guilty in August in federal court in Houston. [New York Times, 8-28-09]
In September in Truro, England, David Truscott, 40, was sentenced to four months in jail for repeatedly trespassing on the farm of Clive Roth by playing in the farm's manure-spreader while wearing only his underwear (and, curiously, rubber gloves). Truscott told the court that he had a sexual fetish for manure. [Falmouth Packet, 9-9-09]
Three weeks earlier, Gary Moody, 49, was charged in federal court in Portland, Maine, with lingering inside a pit toilet in the White Mountain National Forest. He admitted to having "an outhouse problem." Moody was not caught in the act, but because he had pleaded no contest to a similar incident in 2005, he was a prime suspect and eventually confessed. [Portland Press-Herald, 9-1-09]
Daniel Taylor Jr., 33, was arrested in Elizabethton, Tenn., in September following a domestic disturbance complaint against a neighbor. A sheriff's deputy had gone to Taylor's house by mistake, wrongly thinking it was the source of the complaint, but Taylor immediately surrendered to the deputy anyway, and turned around to be handcuffed. When the deputy inquired why Taylor thought he should be arrested, Taylor said he assumed the deputy had come to arrest him for violating probation on earlier charges. The deputy took Taylor to the station before resuming the domestic disturbance call. [Johnson City Press, 9-14-09]
Recurring ThemesAnother Driver Poor at Multitasking: A German truck driver in his 30s crashed his 18-wheeler near Boras, Sweden, in September, and though not seriously hurt, was pinned, immobile, in the wreckage. When rescuers and police first saw him, they noted that the trapped driver's genitals were exposed and that his hand was clasped in his genital area. [The Local (Stockholm), 9-24-09]
Embarrassing: Zach Schultz of Denver became the most recent victim of wind, costing him his car. While driving down Colorado Boulevard in July, he tossed a lit cigarette out the window, but it landed in the back seat and set the car on fire, and he was not able to save it. [KMGH-TV (Denver), 7-16-09]
Sylvester Jiles, 24, became the most recent casualty among former inmates who try to break back into prisons (in Jiles' case, to seek "protection" from threats to his life on the outside). In August in Brevard County, Fla., Jiles was hospitalized for a heavy loss of blood that resulted when he fell into the razor wire inside the wall. [WJXT-TV (Jacksonville), 9-1-09]
A News of the Weird Classic (November 2004)"Anal-wart researcher" (visual inspection being the only way to detect anal cancer from the human papillomavirus) heads Popular Science magazine's second annual November list, in 2004, of the worst jobs in science. However, "worm parasitologist" can be just as challenging, especially for anyone studying the Dracunculus medinensis (which can settle in humans to a length of 3 feet and then must be removed carefully after its thousands of offspring burst through the skin). Other contenders: "tampon squeezer" for the study of vaginal infections; a Lyme-disease "tick attractor" (who must sing, to keep bears away, while trolling in the woods); and "monitors" at warm-climate landfills (where garbage has been reduced to steamy, liquid condensates). [Popular Science, November 2004]
Thanks This Week to Sam Gaines, Dave Shepardson, William Britenbach, Matthew Marek, John Martin, Jeff Morin, Heather Barrett, and Hal Dunham, and to the News of the Weird Board of Editorial Advisors.
COPYRIGHT 2008 CHUCK SHEPHERD
-
27 Oct 2009 10:35
WEEK OF OCTOBER 25, 2009
Lead StoryThe human brain's 100 billion neurons may have such specific functions that a few electrically charge only upon recognition of a single celebrity, such as Oprah Winfrey or Bill Clinton. UCLA researchers, studying the healthy cells of pre-op epilepsy patients, inadvertently discovered this unusual property, which apparently varies with individuals but remains internally consistent, whether the celebrity is represented by picture, name or sound. Patients were presented "hundreds of stimuli," one researcher told The Wall Street Journal in October, but "the neuron would respond to only one or two." For example, neurons were found that reacted only to Jennifer Aniston, only to "The Simpsons," only to Mother Teresa. [Wall Street Journal, 10-9-09]
The Continuing CrisisIn 2002, following an acrimonious family debate, the head of late baseball slugger Ted Williams was cryogenically frozen, in the hope that science will some day learn how to revive dead people. An employee of the Arizona lab that stores the head recently disclosed some inside shenanigans, according to a September report in the New York Daily News. According to the employee, to keep Williams' head from sticking to the inside of its storage carton, the head was placed on an empty Bumble Bee tuna fish can inside the container, but the can itself then stuck to the head and had to be whacked off with a monkey wrench. (Since the lab's work is secretive, only first-person reports are likely to emerge on this story.) [New York Daily News, 10-2-09]
High-Maintenance Goddesses: In Ahmedabad District, India, in September, Ramveer Singh Baghel, 35, sliced off his tongue as an offering to the goddess Amba. His sacrifice made him an instant deity in the local temple, delaying his trip to the hospital. [Times of India, 9-28-09]
And two weeks later, in a village in Bargarh District, India, a 19-year-old woman cut out her tongue, hoping, she said, that the Shiva temple's resident goddess would halt the woman's imminent arranged marriage and allow her to pick someone closer to her age. [Times of India, 10-14-09]
Adventure in the Bush: In June, after a monitored, endangered marsupial (a "woylie") was killed in West Australia, scientists set out to recover the expensive radio collar transmitter it was wearing, but as they approached the signal, a 6-foot-long python swallowed the woylie and collar. The scientists captured the snake, intending to wait for the collar to pass through, but poachers broke into the Department of Environment and Conservation's shelter and stole the python, surely intending to sell it. According to a June report in The West Australian, the scientists, aided by authorities, eventually picked up the radio transmissions again, arrested one poacher, and freed the snake from its impending life of captivity. [The West Australian, 6-27-09]
In a delicate, two-hour procedure at a hospital in Newport Beach, Calif., in September, firefighters carefully sawed off the inch-thick metal dumbbell-tightening ring into which a man had inserted his penis three days earlier. He told surgeons his plan was to lengthen the organ, to, as he put it, "make me the chief of my tribe." By the time he got to the hospital, his member was swollen to more than twice its normal size, and sawing the ring off (without cutting the skin) was the only way to save it. [Daily Pilot (Newport Beach), 9-22-09]
Bright IdeasThe mayor of the Paris suburb of Levallois-Perret, faced with an overcrowded highway D909 through town, "solved" the problem recently by making the street one-way, sending traffic speedily into the adjacent town of Clichy-la-Garenne. That city's mayor (a political rival of the Levallois-Perret mayor) reacted by making his portion of D909 one-way back toward Levallois-Perret, creating a dilemma at the city limit. Other authorities are working to resolve the impasse. [BBC News, 9-1-09]
Chutzpah! In the tiny east Texas town of Tenaha, police allegedly extorted traveling motorists by subjecting them to bogus traffic stops, perhaps finding small amounts of drugs, and then offering to forgo prosecution if the motorists would forfeit their cars and other property. The forfeited items were then sold to fund a special police recreation account. Last year, the ACLU of Texas filed a federal civil rights lawsuit against both the police and local prosecutor Lynda Russell, and in September 2009, Russell asked the state attorney general if she could pay her legal expenses from the alleged extorted recreation account. [Daily Sentinel (Nacogdoches), 10-6-09]
Hyperactive SeniorsElla Orko, 86, was arrested in Chicago in August (her 61st arrest) and charged with shoplifting $252 worth of groceries and sundries (including anti-wrinkle cream). [Chicago Tribune-AP, 8-3-09]
Earlier this year, Richard Ramsey, 77, finally fulfilled a dream he said he'd had since age 13: He surgically became a woman. He had been living occasionally as Renee Ramsey following a 20-year military career, partly spent as a Green Beret. [KYW-TV (Philadelphia), 7-24-09]
Judge James Morley dismissed animal cruelty charges in September against former Moorestown, N.J., police officer Robert Melia Jr., who had been caught in 2006 attempting to sexually gratify himself using calves' mouths. Because the state has no anti-bestiality statute, Melia was charged with animal "cruelty," but Judge Morley said he was uncertain whether the acts were "cruel" or merely confusing. He reasoned that calves would normally recognize an appendage in their mouths as the prelude to food. If the calf could speak, said Judge Morley, it might merely say, "Where's the milk? I'm not getting any milk." [Philadelphia Daily News, 9-24-09]
Fetishes on ParadeJerry Lowery, 38, surrendered to police in Milwaukee in July in connection with three thefts of expensive eyeglasses from local retailers. He admitted that he "really (likes) to be around glasses" and has had this "problem" for about 15 years. [Milwaukee Journal Sentinel, 7-27-09]
Police in Commerce, Texas, arrested a man in September and charged him with twice approaching a female clerk at Commerce Hardware, holding up a piece of paper with powder on it and blowing it into her face to provoke sneezing. Said police chief Kerry Crews: "He becomes aroused by females sneezing. ... In my entire career I've never heard of anything like this." [Herald Banner (Greenville, Texas), 9-25-09]
Least Competent CriminalsMajor Denial: In September, David McKay, 28, finally pleaded guilty in Regina, Saskatchewan, to obstruction of justice after initially lying to police officers who were trying to serve a warrant on him from an earlier incident. McKay had repeatedly claimed that he was "Matthew," and not "David McKay," even at the station house, when a search revealed that "David McKay" was tattooed on his shoulder. [Leader-Post (Regina), 9-22-09]
Undignified DeathsA 40-year-old man accidentally fatally shot himself in Imperial, Mo., in September while teaching gun safety to his girlfriend. The gun fired when he was quizzing her to recognize whether a gun's safety mechanism was engaged or not. [KSDK-TV (St. Louis), 9-21-09]
Tom Elton, 54, and Brenda Blondell, 59, both convicted murderers who became prison-rights activists, eventually won parole, continued their community work together in the Vancouver, British Columbia, area, and married each other. However, in June, police arrested Elton and charged him with murdering Blondell. [Vancouver Sun, 6-23-09]
A News of the Weird Classic (September 2006)In August 2006, the St. Petersburg Times profiled Michael Wiley, 39, of Port Richey, Fla., an enthusiastic driver despite having lost both arms and half a leg in a childhood accident. Wrote the Times: "He guides the key into the ignition with his mouth. Turns it with his toes. Shifts with his knee. Bites the headlight switch. Jams his stump of a left arm into the steering wheel and whips it around." On the minus side, his license was revoked long ago, and reckless driving charges flourish, including the latest, one day after the Times story ran. (And three weeks later, he was charged with domestic assault, using his forehead.) [St. Petersburg Times, 8-20-06, 9-13-06]
Thanks This Week to Michael Thompson, Michael Ravnitzky, David Melcher, Jim Rehmann, Dave Pierson, Scott Bernstein, Randy Sigurdson, Rick Matz, Chad Sucher, Terry Raterman, Mark Jung, Lee Hasiuk, Kathy Diehl, and Jacob Derksen, and to the News of the Weird Board of Editorial Advisors.
-
19 Oct 2009 11:29
-
18 Oct 2009 09:03
WEEK OF OCTOBER 18, 2009
Love Can Mess You Up: Before Arthur David Horn met his future bride Lynette (a "metaphysical healer") in 1988, he was a tenured professor at Colorado State, with a Ph.D. in anthropology from Yale, teaching a mainstream course in human evolution. With Lynette's guidance (after a revelatory week with her in California's Trinity Mountains, searching for Bigfoot), Horn evolved, himself, resigning from Colorado State and seeking to remedy his inadequate Ivy League education. At a conference in Denver in September, Horn said he now realizes that humans come from an alien race of shape-shifting reptilians that continue to control civilization through the secretive leaders known as the Illuminati. Other panelists in Denver included enthusiasts describing their own experiences with various alien races. [Rocky Mountain Collegian, 9-28-09]Can't Possibly Be TrueHealth Insurance Follies: Blue Shield California twice refused to pay $2,700 emergency room claims by Rosalinda Miran-Ramirez, concluding that it was not a "reasonable" decision for her to go to the ER that morning when she awoke to a shirt saturated with blood from what turned out to be a breast tumor. Only after a KPIX-TV reporter intervened in September did Blue Shield pay the claim. [KPIX-TV, 9-25-09]
National Women's Law Center found that the laws of eight states permit insurance companies to deny health coverage to a battered spouse (as a "pre-existing condition," since batterers tend to be recidivists), according to a September report by Kaiser Health News. [MSNBC, 10-7-09]
Child "Protection" Caseworkers: In November 2008, the Illinois Department of Children and Family Services returned an infant to her mother's care two weeks after the woman had, according to police, left her in a toilet bowl. (Three months later, following further investigation, the woman was charged with attempted murder, and the baby was taken away.) [Belleville News-Democrat, 9-17-09]
Texas child agency caseworkers assigned a low priority (non-"immediate" risk) after a home visit in May in Arlington revealed that a violent, long-troubled mother routinely left three children, ages 6, 5 and 1, home alone all day while she was at work. In September, the 1-year-old was found dead. [Dallas Morning News, 10-2-09]
On Aug. 28, a suicide bomber approached Saudi Prince Mohammed bin Nayef, intending to kill them both using a new, mysterious device that an al-Qaida video had earlier proclaimed would be impossible to detect. The terrorist blew up only himself, though, and security investigators concluded that his "bomb" was a 3-inch-long explosive hidden in his rectum. A Transportation Security Administration official downplayed the puny power of such a small device (but its effectiveness in bringing down an airplane is still an open question). [Sunday Star Times (Wellington, N.Z.)-Australian Associated Press, 9-4-09]
InexplicableWhile state and local governments furiously pare budgets by laying off and furloughing workers, retired bureaucrats who receive defined-benefit pensions (rather than flexible 401(k) retirement accounts) continue to receive fixed payouts. According to a California organization advocating that government retirement benefits be changed from pensions to 401(k) accounts, one retired fire chief in northern California gets $241,000 a year, and a retired small-town city administrator's pension is $499,674.84 per year, guaranteed. [Wall Street Journal, 6-24-09]
Unclear on the ConceptIn September, Hadi al-Mutif, 34, who has been on death row in Saudi Arabia for the last 16 years, following his conviction for insulting the Prophet Muhammad, was given a five-year prison sentence after insulting the Saudi justice system in a TV interview. [Reuters, 9-3-09]
Among the ramblings on the blog of George Sodini (the gunman who killed three women in a Pennsylvania health club, and then himself, in August) was his belief that, having once been "saved," he would enter heaven even if he happened to commit mass murder. Sodini attributed the belief to one of his church's pastors, and another church official, Deacon Jack Rickard, told the Associated Press that he personally believes Sodini is in heaven ("once saved, always saved"), though Rickard somehow split the difference: "He'll be in heaven, but he won't have any rewards because he did evil." [Salon-AP, 8-9-09]
The San Francisco Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals operates an assistance-dog program under a $500,000 grant and not only provides the trained dog but also yearly "refresher" sessions to keep the dog sharp. However, client Patricia Frieze told SF Weekly in September that the organization had asked her whether it could do the refresher course this year by telephone instead of a home visit by a trainer. [SF Weekly, 9-18-09]
Landlords Prevail: In July, Chuck Bartlett was finally granted legal possession of his house in Kenai, Alaska, overcoming a squatter's delaying tactics aided by local laws that frustrated eviction despite clear evidence of Bartlett's ownership. (Bartlett waited out the two-month standoff by pitching a tent in his own yard.) The squatter's final, futile challenge involved scribbling an obviously bogus "lease" that, even though Bartlett never signed it (or even saw it), the sheriff had to honor because only a judge, following a formal hearing, can rule it invalid. [Peninsula Clarion (Kenai, Alaska), 7-30-09]
In Raleigh, N.C., in July, Leslie Smith, 62, had no such problem. He was arrested after calling the police to report that he had shot a woman who had been living in his house. "She won't get out (of the house). So I shot her." [News and Observer (Raleigh), 7-29-09]
People Different From UsDouglas Jones, 57, was cited by federal park rangers in September for having, over the course of a year, littered Joshua Tree National Park in California with more than 3,000 golf balls. Jones explained that he tossed the balls from his car, believing he was thus honoring deceased golfers. [Los Angeles Times-AP, 9-18-09]
John Manley, 50, breathed pain-free in September for the first time in two years after surgeons discovered the source of his coughing and discomfort. Manley said he "like(s) to take big gulps of drink," which is his only explanation for why a 1-inch piece of a plastic utensil was lodged not in his stomach but in his lung. Duke University surgeon Momen Wahidi recalled the scene in the operating room as they tried to make out what the fragment was: "We started reading out loud, 'a-m-b-u-r-g-e-r'" (for Wendy's Old-Fashioned Hamburgers). [ABC News-AP, 9-17-09]
Least Competent VictimsTwo men were arrested in a suburb of Melbourne, Australia, in September after allegedly scamming four local businessmen out of a total of $160,000, but the scam may reflect worse on the victims than the perpetrators. The victims (who might have considered themselves savvy entrepreneurs to have earned that much money) were somehow persuaded by the alleged scammers that bills of currency can duplicate themselves if soaked in a secret chemical overnight. The perpetrators "demonstrated" the chemical's power by a sleight-of-hand, probably involving a hidden $100 bill that, after soaking, appeared alongside an original $100 bill. (Readers who want to try chemically doubling their money thusly will need bleach, baby powder and hair spray, which the perpetrators had recently purchased.) [Stonnington Leader, 9-22-09]
More Examples of Miracle Drugs: Mitchell Deslatte, 25, drove in and parked at a Louisiana state trooper station in Baton Rouge in July, staggered inside, and asked the man behind the desk for a room, thinking he was in a hotel. He was arrested for DUI. [WAFB-TV (Baton Rouge), 7-27-09]
Terence Loyd, 32, pleaded guilty in Mansfield, La., in August to possession of cocaine. He had been arrested in March when construction workers saw him on his hands and knees, rolling in (and eating) mud and growling like a dog. [Houston Chronicle-AP, 8-7-09]
A News of the Weird Classic (September 2005)From a Legal Notice of a Name Change in the Honolulu Advertiser, Aug. 24, 2005: change name from "Waiaulia Alohi anail ke alaamek kawaipi olanihenoheno Kam Paghmani" to "Waiaulia Alohi anail ke alaamek kawaipi olanihenoheno Kam." [Honolulu Advertiser, 8-24-05]
Thanks This Week to Stephen Taylor, Ivan Katz, Sam Gaines, Barry Rose, and Tom Barker, and to the News of the Weird Board of Editorial Advisors.
COPYRIGHT 2009 CHUCK SHEPHERD
-
12 Oct 2009 00:35
Search the Site
