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08 Nov 2009 02:58
WEEK OF NOVEMBER 8, 2009
Procter & Gamble announced in October that it will once again create and host a public restroom for the holiday season in New York City's Times Square as a promotion for Charmin tissue. Last year's installation was merely specially outfitted toilet facilities, but this year P&G will upgrade by hiring five bloggers ("Charmin Ambassadors") to "interact" with the expected "hundreds of thousands of bathroom guests" and write about their experiences with Charmin tissue on the company's Web site (and include "family-friendly" photographs). P&G is calling the campaign "Enjoy the Go." [Business Courier of Cincinnati, 10-20-09] Compelling Explanations"Therapeutic" Sex: The U.S. Tax Court ruled in September that William Halby, 78, owes back taxes because he improperly tried to deduct $300,000 over a five-year period for "medical" expenses that were merely purchases of sex toys and pornography and payments to prostitutes. Halby said the activities relieved his "depression," in that he had no other sexual outlets. The court reminded Halby (a retired New York tax lawyer) that prostitution is illegal in New York. [Forbes, 9-17-09]
James Pacenza, 60, of Montgomery, N.Y., who was fired by IBM in 2003 after he continued to visit an Internet sex-chat room during work hours, renewed his challenge to the termination in September, telling a federal appeals court that his Internet sex "addiction" is a result of post-traumatic stress disorder from combat in the Vietnam war. [St. Petersburg Times-AP, 9-22-09]
Robin Magee, a law professor at Minnesota's Hamline University, was charged with state income tax evasion in September for failing to file in 2007 and for filing returns for 2004, 2005 and 2006 only very recently. Magee told the St. Paul Pioneer Press that she was "unable" to file on time because she has "extreme" attention-deficit disorder. Among the lapses of attention, according to prosecutors, was Magee's claim of eight tax exemptions, even though she is single and has no dependents. [St. Paul Pioneer Press, 9-9-09]
Parenting Made Simple: The father of the baby is only 13 years old, but his own dad told reporters in Manchester, England, in October that the kid "will make a good father" and "is taking his responsibilities very seriously." He is "mature for his age" and "knows what he's about." The new dad said he plans to quit school and work full-time to support the child and the 16-year-old mother (though the earning power of a 13-year-old is uncertain). [Daily Telegraph (London), 10-3-09]
IroniesThe French-speaking citizens of Quebec, said to feel chronically underappreciated in English-speaking Canada, might have received a boost in spirits in September when the Canadian military ordered its airmen assigned to the North American Aerospace Defense Command to learn French. However, the contract was awarded to French instructors of a company in the United States, which many Canadians feel is even more chronically overappreciated. [Agence France-Presse, 9-30-09]
The Litigious SocietyWith lawsuits piling up on Bank of America during the current economic downturn, Dalton Chiscolm found a new angle. In September, he sued the bank in federal court in New York City for inadequate customer service concerning his checks' routing numbers and asked for damages of "1,784 billion, trillion dollars" plus an additional "$200,164,000." Judge Denny Chin gave Chiscolm 30 days to better explain his complaint but dismissed it finally on Oct. 23. (BBC News reported that the first amount, which is 1,784 followed by 21 zeros, is more money than exists on the planet.) [Reuters, 9-25-09] BBC News, 10-23-09]
Leadership in ActionNew Jersey's Least-Savvy Politician: In a courtroom in October, Atlantic City (N.J.) Councilman (and Baptist minister) Eugene Robinson, 67, explained that he had no intention of having sex that night in November 2006 when a prostitute tricked him into a motel tryst (as a set-up by his political enemies). "I was waiting for God to send me the (woman) that's (destined) to be my Christian wife," he said, and since he hadn't had sex "since 1989," he said he thought this was the chosen woman. Robinson, now in poor health, did not run for re-election. [Philly.com-AP, 10-14-09]
In his campaign for election to the school board in Birmingham, Ala., Antwon Womack, 21, issued biographical materials claiming to be 23 years old; to be a graduate of a local high school and of Alabama A&M; to be a bona fide resident of Birmingham; to be properly addressed as "Dr."; and to have chaired three previous political campaigns. After inquiries by the Birmingham News, Womack acknowledged in August that none of those claims is true. However, he defended his campaign and his principles: "My values are not lies. It's just (that) the information I provided to the people is false." [Birmingham News, 8-19-09]
Something in the Darwin Water Supply?During a three-week period in September and October, three couples in the Darwin, Australia, area aroused police attention for having uninhibited sex in public. On Sept. 13, a 29-year-old man and a 23-year-old woman were fully engaged in their vehicle (stolen, said police) at a gas station in full view of passers-by. They persisted, ignoring a police officer's order to stop. Two weeks later, an intoxicated couple taken into custody by police were seen having sex by the motorist following directly behind the police paddy wagon. On Oct. 6, 25 miles south of Darwin, a 33-year-old man was charged with reckless driving after he crashed his car into a concrete drain while having sex with a 34-year-old woman in the front seat. (The woman later denied the charge, in earthy language, to a reporter from the Northern Territory News.) [Northern Territory News (Darwin), 9-15-09, 10-2-09, 10-15-09]
Michael Spagnola, 38, of Colden, N.Y., was charged with DUI in October after a sheriff's deputy stopped Spagnola's car and noticed the man climbing from the driver's seat into the back. Spagnola then told the deputy (from the back seat) that, though he had been drinking, he was not the one driving. However, the deputy noted, there was no one else in the car. [Buffalo News, 10-16-09]
Cesar Lopez, 29, was arrested at the Turkey Hill Minit Market in Lebanon, Pa., in October when he emerged from a restroom looking for something inside the baseball cap he was carrying. A police officer noticed that a small baggie was stuck to the top of Lopez's forehead and speculated that Lopez had stowed the baggie (found later to contain marijuana) inside the sweatband of the cap but that when he removed the cap in the restroom, the baggie remained stuck to his head. [Lebanon Daily News, 10-14-09]
No Longer WeirdAdding to the list of stories that were formerly weird but which now occur with such frequency that they must be retired from circulation: (91) The apparently irresistible urge of curious men to tinker in workshops with live ammunition, such as the attempt by a 57-year-old man in Charleston, W.Va., in August to drill through a bullet in order to make a keychain ornament. (The resulting explosion tore up his left hand, but he was not expected to lose it.) [WSAZ-TV (Charleston, W.Va.), 8-26-09]
(92) The "Lysistrata"-style organized withholding of sex by wives in male-dominated third-world countries as a means of influencing their husbands' behavior. (However, in Kenya, one husband fought back in May by filing a lawsuit in Nairobi High Court against the women's group whose recent strike was somewhat successful. The man asked for compensation for his "anxiety" and "sleepless nights.") [Agence France-Presse, 5-8-09]
A News of the Weird Classic (August 1999)The New York Times disclosed in June 1999 that about 2,000 obsolete, unfunctioning fire hydrants remain in place in New York City, each dry for almost 20 years, whose only purpose is to allow the city to collect fines from motorists who park too close to them. Supposedly, a contractor will begin removing them soon, but since that costs about $6 million, the project may be delayed. [New York Times, 6-16-99]
Thanks This Week to Kathryn Wood, Peter Wardley, Paul Deguara, John Wriedt, Cathy Wojciechowski, Sasha Oberheim, and Carl McGlore, and to the News of the Weird Board of Editorial Advisors.
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02 Nov 2009 05:22
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01 Nov 2009 00:58
(.M134)
WEEK OF NOVEMBER 1, 2009
LEAD STORY
Recent Precision-Tuning of the Fruitfly Brain: Scientists at England's University of Oxford know how to make fruitflies scared of things they weren't scared of previously -- by implanting artificial memories in their brains after somehow locating and managing the precise 12 neurons that enable the flies to learn things. The implanted "danger" (the smell of sweat-soaked athletic shoes) causes the flies to scatter at the first whiff. [New York Times, 10-20-09]Scientists at the University of Toronto know how to make fruitflies sexually attractive to flies of both sexes and to different fly species -- by removing the specific hydrocarbon brain cells that produce the pheromones thought to attract sex-specific mates. (Only the choice of partners was modified and not horniness level.) [BBC News, 10-14-09]
Government in ActionSmall-Town Mayors: For three weeks in September, budget-conscious Mayor Sallie Peake of Wellford, S.C., barred the police from chasing perpetrators of crimes in progress, even if officers drove at the speed limit. Officers were instructed, instead, to arrest suspects later in their homes. (The mayor, under siege, rescinded the policy on Sept. 24.) [WSPA-TV (Spartanburg), 9-20-09, 9-24-09]
Mayor Stu Rasmussen, 61, of Silverton, Ore., elected last year even though he dresses openly as a woman, drew criticism from officials of a community group in July when he addressed students while wearing a miniskirt and a swimsuit top. Critics suggested he should dress at least in "professional" women's clothes when speaking to youth groups. [KATU-TV (Portland), 7-23-09]
New York City, which is sued more than 1,000 times a year, has a policy of settling some lawsuits quickly to avoid the risk of expensive judgments. The New York Daily News reported in October that more than 20 lawsuits, going back several years, were filed by members of the East 21st Street Crew (a well-known Brooklyn gang notorious for selling crack cocaine), and that the city has settled every time, paying out more than $500,000. The "civil rights" lawsuits were over possibly illegal searches and for criminal charges that the city later dismissed. [New York Daily News, 10-11-09]
Great Art!Worth Every Dollar: New Zealand's Waikato National Contemporary Art Award in September (worth the equivalent of US$11,000) went to Dane Mitchell, whose entry consisted merely of discarded packaging materials from all the other exhibits vying for the prize. Mitchell called his pile "Collateral." (Announcement of the winner was poorly received by the other contestants.) [Waikato Times, 9-8-09]
At a Christie's auction in September in New York City, London artist Gavin Turk's empty, nondescript cardboard box (the size of an ordinary moving-company box) sold for $16,000. (Actually, it was a sculpture designed to look exactly like an empty, nondescript cardboard box.) [New York Post, 9-2-09]
Britain's Clumsiest Art Patron: On the opening day of a Tate Modern gallery exhibit in London on Oct. 14, 12,500 visitors examined Polish artist Miroslaw Balka's installation of a 100-by-42-by-32-foot box that is pitch black inside, lined with light-absorbing material. However, only one of the patrons managed to bump hard enough into a wall of the container to draw blood. [Agence France-Presse, 10-14-09]
Police ReportSensitive! St. Paul, Minn., police were called to the 1300 block of Desoto Street in July by a 43-year-old man, who demanded that a report be filed because he had found a slice of half-eaten pizza near his fence and thought it represented someone's intent to "harass" him. [Pioneer Press (St. Paul), 7-30-09]
A 56-year-old man was cited by police in Carlisle, Pa., in September after a complaint from neighbor Brian Taylor, 43, who swore that the man had flicked a toothpick onto the sidewalk in front of Taylor's home just to "annoy" him. [Patriot-News (Harrisburg), 9-22-09]
A nine-hour, 16-officer search of the home of alleged drug kingpin Michael Difalco, near Lakeland, Fla., in March, apparently was not exciting enough. Surveillance video (from Difalco's security system) released by police in September showed that the easily distracted officers also took time out to play spirited frames of bowling on Difalco's Wii game. Since the detectives were unaware of the camera, they uninhibitedly pumped their fists and shouted gleefully with every strike. Police supervisors acknowledged the unprofessional behavior but said the search nonetheless was productive. [Tampa Tribune, 9-21-09]
Things You Thought Didn't Happen AnymoreBombastic financier R. Allen Stanford was able to maintain secrecy in the multibillion-dollar Ponzi scheme he allegedly operated for years out of a bank in Antigua because he and Antigua's chief bank regulator had met in secret in 2003 and taken an actual "blood oath" of loyalty. The hematic bonding was revealed by Stanford's No. 2 executive, James Davis, who pleaded guilty in August in federal court in Houston. [New York Times, 8-28-09]
In September in Truro, England, David Truscott, 40, was sentenced to four months in jail for repeatedly trespassing on the farm of Clive Roth by playing in the farm's manure-spreader while wearing only his underwear (and, curiously, rubber gloves). Truscott told the court that he had a sexual fetish for manure. [Falmouth Packet, 9-9-09]
Three weeks earlier, Gary Moody, 49, was charged in federal court in Portland, Maine, with lingering inside a pit toilet in the White Mountain National Forest. He admitted to having "an outhouse problem." Moody was not caught in the act, but because he had pleaded no contest to a similar incident in 2005, he was a prime suspect and eventually confessed. [Portland Press-Herald, 9-1-09]
Daniel Taylor Jr., 33, was arrested in Elizabethton, Tenn., in September following a domestic disturbance complaint against a neighbor. A sheriff's deputy had gone to Taylor's house by mistake, wrongly thinking it was the source of the complaint, but Taylor immediately surrendered to the deputy anyway, and turned around to be handcuffed. When the deputy inquired why Taylor thought he should be arrested, Taylor said he assumed the deputy had come to arrest him for violating probation on earlier charges. The deputy took Taylor to the station before resuming the domestic disturbance call. [Johnson City Press, 9-14-09]
Recurring ThemesAnother Driver Poor at Multitasking: A German truck driver in his 30s crashed his 18-wheeler near Boras, Sweden, in September, and though not seriously hurt, was pinned, immobile, in the wreckage. When rescuers and police first saw him, they noted that the trapped driver's genitals were exposed and that his hand was clasped in his genital area. [The Local (Stockholm), 9-24-09]
Embarrassing: Zach Schultz of Denver became the most recent victim of wind, costing him his car. While driving down Colorado Boulevard in July, he tossed a lit cigarette out the window, but it landed in the back seat and set the car on fire, and he was not able to save it. [KMGH-TV (Denver), 7-16-09]
Sylvester Jiles, 24, became the most recent casualty among former inmates who try to break back into prisons (in Jiles' case, to seek "protection" from threats to his life on the outside). In August in Brevard County, Fla., Jiles was hospitalized for a heavy loss of blood that resulted when he fell into the razor wire inside the wall. [WJXT-TV (Jacksonville), 9-1-09]
A News of the Weird Classic (November 2004)"Anal-wart researcher" (visual inspection being the only way to detect anal cancer from the human papillomavirus) heads Popular Science magazine's second annual November list, in 2004, of the worst jobs in science. However, "worm parasitologist" can be just as challenging, especially for anyone studying the Dracunculus medinensis (which can settle in humans to a length of 3 feet and then must be removed carefully after its thousands of offspring burst through the skin). Other contenders: "tampon squeezer" for the study of vaginal infections; a Lyme-disease "tick attractor" (who must sing, to keep bears away, while trolling in the woods); and "monitors" at warm-climate landfills (where garbage has been reduced to steamy, liquid condensates). [Popular Science, November 2004]
Thanks This Week to Sam Gaines, Dave Shepardson, William Britenbach, Matthew Marek, John Martin, Jeff Morin, Heather Barrett, and Hal Dunham, and to the News of the Weird Board of Editorial Advisors.
COPYRIGHT 2008 CHUCK SHEPHERD
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27 Oct 2009 10:35
WEEK OF OCTOBER 25, 2009
Lead StoryThe human brain's 100 billion neurons may have such specific functions that a few electrically charge only upon recognition of a single celebrity, such as Oprah Winfrey or Bill Clinton. UCLA researchers, studying the healthy cells of pre-op epilepsy patients, inadvertently discovered this unusual property, which apparently varies with individuals but remains internally consistent, whether the celebrity is represented by picture, name or sound. Patients were presented "hundreds of stimuli," one researcher told The Wall Street Journal in October, but "the neuron would respond to only one or two." For example, neurons were found that reacted only to Jennifer Aniston, only to "The Simpsons," only to Mother Teresa. [Wall Street Journal, 10-9-09]
The Continuing CrisisIn 2002, following an acrimonious family debate, the head of late baseball slugger Ted Williams was cryogenically frozen, in the hope that science will some day learn how to revive dead people. An employee of the Arizona lab that stores the head recently disclosed some inside shenanigans, according to a September report in the New York Daily News. According to the employee, to keep Williams' head from sticking to the inside of its storage carton, the head was placed on an empty Bumble Bee tuna fish can inside the container, but the can itself then stuck to the head and had to be whacked off with a monkey wrench. (Since the lab's work is secretive, only first-person reports are likely to emerge on this story.) [New York Daily News, 10-2-09]
High-Maintenance Goddesses: In Ahmedabad District, India, in September, Ramveer Singh Baghel, 35, sliced off his tongue as an offering to the goddess Amba. His sacrifice made him an instant deity in the local temple, delaying his trip to the hospital. [Times of India, 9-28-09]
And two weeks later, in a village in Bargarh District, India, a 19-year-old woman cut out her tongue, hoping, she said, that the Shiva temple's resident goddess would halt the woman's imminent arranged marriage and allow her to pick someone closer to her age. [Times of India, 10-14-09]
Adventure in the Bush: In June, after a monitored, endangered marsupial (a "woylie") was killed in West Australia, scientists set out to recover the expensive radio collar transmitter it was wearing, but as they approached the signal, a 6-foot-long python swallowed the woylie and collar. The scientists captured the snake, intending to wait for the collar to pass through, but poachers broke into the Department of Environment and Conservation's shelter and stole the python, surely intending to sell it. According to a June report in The West Australian, the scientists, aided by authorities, eventually picked up the radio transmissions again, arrested one poacher, and freed the snake from its impending life of captivity. [The West Australian, 6-27-09]
In a delicate, two-hour procedure at a hospital in Newport Beach, Calif., in September, firefighters carefully sawed off the inch-thick metal dumbbell-tightening ring into which a man had inserted his penis three days earlier. He told surgeons his plan was to lengthen the organ, to, as he put it, "make me the chief of my tribe." By the time he got to the hospital, his member was swollen to more than twice its normal size, and sawing the ring off (without cutting the skin) was the only way to save it. [Daily Pilot (Newport Beach), 9-22-09]
Bright IdeasThe mayor of the Paris suburb of Levallois-Perret, faced with an overcrowded highway D909 through town, "solved" the problem recently by making the street one-way, sending traffic speedily into the adjacent town of Clichy-la-Garenne. That city's mayor (a political rival of the Levallois-Perret mayor) reacted by making his portion of D909 one-way back toward Levallois-Perret, creating a dilemma at the city limit. Other authorities are working to resolve the impasse. [BBC News, 9-1-09]
Chutzpah! In the tiny east Texas town of Tenaha, police allegedly extorted traveling motorists by subjecting them to bogus traffic stops, perhaps finding small amounts of drugs, and then offering to forgo prosecution if the motorists would forfeit their cars and other property. The forfeited items were then sold to fund a special police recreation account. Last year, the ACLU of Texas filed a federal civil rights lawsuit against both the police and local prosecutor Lynda Russell, and in September 2009, Russell asked the state attorney general if she could pay her legal expenses from the alleged extorted recreation account. [Daily Sentinel (Nacogdoches), 10-6-09]
Hyperactive SeniorsElla Orko, 86, was arrested in Chicago in August (her 61st arrest) and charged with shoplifting $252 worth of groceries and sundries (including anti-wrinkle cream). [Chicago Tribune-AP, 8-3-09]
Earlier this year, Richard Ramsey, 77, finally fulfilled a dream he said he'd had since age 13: He surgically became a woman. He had been living occasionally as Renee Ramsey following a 20-year military career, partly spent as a Green Beret. [KYW-TV (Philadelphia), 7-24-09]
Judge James Morley dismissed animal cruelty charges in September against former Moorestown, N.J., police officer Robert Melia Jr., who had been caught in 2006 attempting to sexually gratify himself using calves' mouths. Because the state has no anti-bestiality statute, Melia was charged with animal "cruelty," but Judge Morley said he was uncertain whether the acts were "cruel" or merely confusing. He reasoned that calves would normally recognize an appendage in their mouths as the prelude to food. If the calf could speak, said Judge Morley, it might merely say, "Where's the milk? I'm not getting any milk." [Philadelphia Daily News, 9-24-09]
Fetishes on ParadeJerry Lowery, 38, surrendered to police in Milwaukee in July in connection with three thefts of expensive eyeglasses from local retailers. He admitted that he "really (likes) to be around glasses" and has had this "problem" for about 15 years. [Milwaukee Journal Sentinel, 7-27-09]
Police in Commerce, Texas, arrested a man in September and charged him with twice approaching a female clerk at Commerce Hardware, holding up a piece of paper with powder on it and blowing it into her face to provoke sneezing. Said police chief Kerry Crews: "He becomes aroused by females sneezing. ... In my entire career I've never heard of anything like this." [Herald Banner (Greenville, Texas), 9-25-09]
Least Competent CriminalsMajor Denial: In September, David McKay, 28, finally pleaded guilty in Regina, Saskatchewan, to obstruction of justice after initially lying to police officers who were trying to serve a warrant on him from an earlier incident. McKay had repeatedly claimed that he was "Matthew," and not "David McKay," even at the station house, when a search revealed that "David McKay" was tattooed on his shoulder. [Leader-Post (Regina), 9-22-09]
Undignified DeathsA 40-year-old man accidentally fatally shot himself in Imperial, Mo., in September while teaching gun safety to his girlfriend. The gun fired when he was quizzing her to recognize whether a gun's safety mechanism was engaged or not. [KSDK-TV (St. Louis), 9-21-09]
Tom Elton, 54, and Brenda Blondell, 59, both convicted murderers who became prison-rights activists, eventually won parole, continued their community work together in the Vancouver, British Columbia, area, and married each other. However, in June, police arrested Elton and charged him with murdering Blondell. [Vancouver Sun, 6-23-09]
A News of the Weird Classic (September 2006)In August 2006, the St. Petersburg Times profiled Michael Wiley, 39, of Port Richey, Fla., an enthusiastic driver despite having lost both arms and half a leg in a childhood accident. Wrote the Times: "He guides the key into the ignition with his mouth. Turns it with his toes. Shifts with his knee. Bites the headlight switch. Jams his stump of a left arm into the steering wheel and whips it around." On the minus side, his license was revoked long ago, and reckless driving charges flourish, including the latest, one day after the Times story ran. (And three weeks later, he was charged with domestic assault, using his forehead.) [St. Petersburg Times, 8-20-06, 9-13-06]
Thanks This Week to Michael Thompson, Michael Ravnitzky, David Melcher, Jim Rehmann, Dave Pierson, Scott Bernstein, Randy Sigurdson, Rick Matz, Chad Sucher, Terry Raterman, Mark Jung, Lee Hasiuk, Kathy Diehl, and Jacob Derksen, and to the News of the Weird Board of Editorial Advisors.
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19 Oct 2009 11:29
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18 Oct 2009 09:03
WEEK OF OCTOBER 18, 2009
Love Can Mess You Up: Before Arthur David Horn met his future bride Lynette (a "metaphysical healer") in 1988, he was a tenured professor at Colorado State, with a Ph.D. in anthropology from Yale, teaching a mainstream course in human evolution. With Lynette's guidance (after a revelatory week with her in California's Trinity Mountains, searching for Bigfoot), Horn evolved, himself, resigning from Colorado State and seeking to remedy his inadequate Ivy League education. At a conference in Denver in September, Horn said he now realizes that humans come from an alien race of shape-shifting reptilians that continue to control civilization through the secretive leaders known as the Illuminati. Other panelists in Denver included enthusiasts describing their own experiences with various alien races. [Rocky Mountain Collegian, 9-28-09]Can't Possibly Be TrueHealth Insurance Follies: Blue Shield California twice refused to pay $2,700 emergency room claims by Rosalinda Miran-Ramirez, concluding that it was not a "reasonable" decision for her to go to the ER that morning when she awoke to a shirt saturated with blood from what turned out to be a breast tumor. Only after a KPIX-TV reporter intervened in September did Blue Shield pay the claim. [KPIX-TV, 9-25-09]
National Women's Law Center found that the laws of eight states permit insurance companies to deny health coverage to a battered spouse (as a "pre-existing condition," since batterers tend to be recidivists), according to a September report by Kaiser Health News. [MSNBC, 10-7-09]
Child "Protection" Caseworkers: In November 2008, the Illinois Department of Children and Family Services returned an infant to her mother's care two weeks after the woman had, according to police, left her in a toilet bowl. (Three months later, following further investigation, the woman was charged with attempted murder, and the baby was taken away.) [Belleville News-Democrat, 9-17-09]
Texas child agency caseworkers assigned a low priority (non-"immediate" risk) after a home visit in May in Arlington revealed that a violent, long-troubled mother routinely left three children, ages 6, 5 and 1, home alone all day while she was at work. In September, the 1-year-old was found dead. [Dallas Morning News, 10-2-09]
On Aug. 28, a suicide bomber approached Saudi Prince Mohammed bin Nayef, intending to kill them both using a new, mysterious device that an al-Qaida video had earlier proclaimed would be impossible to detect. The terrorist blew up only himself, though, and security investigators concluded that his "bomb" was a 3-inch-long explosive hidden in his rectum. A Transportation Security Administration official downplayed the puny power of such a small device (but its effectiveness in bringing down an airplane is still an open question). [Sunday Star Times (Wellington, N.Z.)-Australian Associated Press, 9-4-09]
InexplicableWhile state and local governments furiously pare budgets by laying off and furloughing workers, retired bureaucrats who receive defined-benefit pensions (rather than flexible 401(k) retirement accounts) continue to receive fixed payouts. According to a California organization advocating that government retirement benefits be changed from pensions to 401(k) accounts, one retired fire chief in northern California gets $241,000 a year, and a retired small-town city administrator's pension is $499,674.84 per year, guaranteed. [Wall Street Journal, 6-24-09]
Unclear on the ConceptIn September, Hadi al-Mutif, 34, who has been on death row in Saudi Arabia for the last 16 years, following his conviction for insulting the Prophet Muhammad, was given a five-year prison sentence after insulting the Saudi justice system in a TV interview. [Reuters, 9-3-09]
Among the ramblings on the blog of George Sodini (the gunman who killed three women in a Pennsylvania health club, and then himself, in August) was his belief that, having once been "saved," he would enter heaven even if he happened to commit mass murder. Sodini attributed the belief to one of his church's pastors, and another church official, Deacon Jack Rickard, told the Associated Press that he personally believes Sodini is in heaven ("once saved, always saved"), though Rickard somehow split the difference: "He'll be in heaven, but he won't have any rewards because he did evil." [Salon-AP, 8-9-09]
The San Francisco Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals operates an assistance-dog program under a $500,000 grant and not only provides the trained dog but also yearly "refresher" sessions to keep the dog sharp. However, client Patricia Frieze told SF Weekly in September that the organization had asked her whether it could do the refresher course this year by telephone instead of a home visit by a trainer. [SF Weekly, 9-18-09]
Landlords Prevail: In July, Chuck Bartlett was finally granted legal possession of his house in Kenai, Alaska, overcoming a squatter's delaying tactics aided by local laws that frustrated eviction despite clear evidence of Bartlett's ownership. (Bartlett waited out the two-month standoff by pitching a tent in his own yard.) The squatter's final, futile challenge involved scribbling an obviously bogus "lease" that, even though Bartlett never signed it (or even saw it), the sheriff had to honor because only a judge, following a formal hearing, can rule it invalid. [Peninsula Clarion (Kenai, Alaska), 7-30-09]
In Raleigh, N.C., in July, Leslie Smith, 62, had no such problem. He was arrested after calling the police to report that he had shot a woman who had been living in his house. "She won't get out (of the house). So I shot her." [News and Observer (Raleigh), 7-29-09]
People Different From UsDouglas Jones, 57, was cited by federal park rangers in September for having, over the course of a year, littered Joshua Tree National Park in California with more than 3,000 golf balls. Jones explained that he tossed the balls from his car, believing he was thus honoring deceased golfers. [Los Angeles Times-AP, 9-18-09]
John Manley, 50, breathed pain-free in September for the first time in two years after surgeons discovered the source of his coughing and discomfort. Manley said he "like(s) to take big gulps of drink," which is his only explanation for why a 1-inch piece of a plastic utensil was lodged not in his stomach but in his lung. Duke University surgeon Momen Wahidi recalled the scene in the operating room as they tried to make out what the fragment was: "We started reading out loud, 'a-m-b-u-r-g-e-r'" (for Wendy's Old-Fashioned Hamburgers). [ABC News-AP, 9-17-09]
Least Competent VictimsTwo men were arrested in a suburb of Melbourne, Australia, in September after allegedly scamming four local businessmen out of a total of $160,000, but the scam may reflect worse on the victims than the perpetrators. The victims (who might have considered themselves savvy entrepreneurs to have earned that much money) were somehow persuaded by the alleged scammers that bills of currency can duplicate themselves if soaked in a secret chemical overnight. The perpetrators "demonstrated" the chemical's power by a sleight-of-hand, probably involving a hidden $100 bill that, after soaking, appeared alongside an original $100 bill. (Readers who want to try chemically doubling their money thusly will need bleach, baby powder and hair spray, which the perpetrators had recently purchased.) [Stonnington Leader, 9-22-09]
More Examples of Miracle Drugs: Mitchell Deslatte, 25, drove in and parked at a Louisiana state trooper station in Baton Rouge in July, staggered inside, and asked the man behind the desk for a room, thinking he was in a hotel. He was arrested for DUI. [WAFB-TV (Baton Rouge), 7-27-09]
Terence Loyd, 32, pleaded guilty in Mansfield, La., in August to possession of cocaine. He had been arrested in March when construction workers saw him on his hands and knees, rolling in (and eating) mud and growling like a dog. [Houston Chronicle-AP, 8-7-09]
A News of the Weird Classic (September 2005)From a Legal Notice of a Name Change in the Honolulu Advertiser, Aug. 24, 2005: change name from "Waiaulia Alohi anail ke alaamek kawaipi olanihenoheno Kam Paghmani" to "Waiaulia Alohi anail ke alaamek kawaipi olanihenoheno Kam." [Honolulu Advertiser, 8-24-05]
Thanks This Week to Stephen Taylor, Ivan Katz, Sam Gaines, Barry Rose, and Tom Barker, and to the News of the Weird Board of Editorial Advisors.
COPYRIGHT 2009 CHUCK SHEPHERD
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12 Oct 2009 00:35
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10 Oct 2009 23:47
WEEK OF OCTOBER 11, 2009
Beneath the luxury hotels on the Las Vegas Strip is a series of flood tunnels that are home to dozens of people who work odd jobs such as hustling leftover change in casino slot machines. A correspondent for London's The Sun gained the trust of a few and even photographed their "apartments" for a September dispatch, showing well-stocked quarters, with scrounged appliances and furniture and even one makeshift shower rigged from a water cooler. "Amy," who has lived in the tunnels with her husband, "J.R.," for two years, said she "love(s)" the Vegas lifestyle and appears in no hurry to leave her setup. "Kathryn" (who lives with boyfriend "Steven") also appears content except, she says, for the fragrance, the black widow spiders, and the periodic rush of water through their home (threatening any "valuables" not stacked on crates). [The Sun, 9-24-09] Latest Religious MessagesDavid Cerullo came to prominence after purchasing the television studios abandoned by Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker and established what is perhaps the boldest of all Christian "prosperity gospel" ministries (that pays him an annual base salary of $1.52 million). With his father, semi-retired Pentecostal preacher Morris Cerullo, they assure followers that the more they give, the more God will return to them. In a recent TV spot, Morris, speaking first in tongues and then addressing the currently credit-challenged: "When you (donate), the windows of heaven ... open for you ... 100 fold." "Debt cancellation!" (The on-screen message: "Call now with your $900 offering and receive God's debt cancellation!") [Charlotte Observer, 5-23-09]
In September, a judge in Stuart, Fla., was about to sentence pastor Rodney McGill for real estate fraud, but McGill was undaunted, addressing a courtroom prayer for his enemies: "Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, for every witness called against me, I pray cancer in their lives, lupus, brain tumor, pancreatic cancer." The judge then sentenced him to 20 years in prison. [South Florida Sun-Sentinel, 9-9-09]
Questionable JudgmentsThe cheap-drink Tuesday night special at the Attic bar in Newcastle, England, in early September was a money-back guarantee at the end of the night to anyone who could still legally drive (measured by the bar's breathalyzer), with the evening's most-alcohol-saturated customer drinking free the following week. The Newcastle City Council soon convinced the bar it was a bad idea. [The Mail, 9-9-09]
The Department of Homeland Security (relying on a study later termed by the Government Accounting Office to have been rushed and flawed) decided in January that the best place for its new $700 million research facility on infectious diseases would be in Kansas, which happens to be in the heart of America's "tornado alley." The GAO report, leaked to The Washington Post in July, claimed the risk of accidental release of dangerous pathogens is far greater than the department assumed. [Washington Post, 7-27-09]
Bright IdeasCanadian medical appliance manufacturer X4 Labs, which sells a penis-elongating traction device for around $400, disclosed in August that it is making a solid gold version on contract for a Saudi businessman. The buyer claimed he required gold only because of allergies, but then also ordered it ornamented with diamonds and rubies, according to an August Agence France-Presse report. X4's cachet as a medical-appliance supplier is expected to get the device past Saudi customs, which normally bans sex toys. [Agence France-Presse, 8-5-09]
Four apparently quite bored people in their early 20s were arrested in September in Bennington, Vt., after a Chili's restaurant burglar alarm sounded at 4:30 a.m. According to police, the four intended to remove and steal the large chili on the restaurant's sign, using a hacksaw and power drill. However, not possessing a battery-operated drill, they had strung extension cords together running to the nearest outlet they could find, which was 470 feet away, across four lanes of highway and through a Home Depot parking lot. [Rutland Herald, 9-7-09]
Fine Points of the LawMarine Sgt. Michael Ferschke was killed in Iraq in 2008, but his wife and their son, both Japanese citizens, cannot enter the United States. The couple exchanged vows under Japanese law by long-distance proxy, as Michael was about to deploy, but immigration law does not recognize such unions, unless subsequently "consummated." (The Ferschkes had conceived their child before they were married.) [MSNBC-AP, 9-17-09]
Marine Lance Cpl. Josef Lopez took the Corps' advice and received a smallpox vaccination just before deploying to Iraq, but after nine days in country, he went into a coma with a rare adverse reaction that has left him permanently, seriously disabled. However, since he was felled by the vaccine and not "combat," he is ineligible for special disability funds to help seriously wounded troops (for such expenses as modifying a home to accommodate a disability). [McClatchy Newspapers, 8-31-09]
Fetishes on ParadeIn September, police in Bonney Lake, Wash., were seeking "Dale," who had been reported hanging around the high school, trying to befriend male athletes. In the most recent incident, he lured a boy to the library, offering help on a term paper project, but when the boy declined and walked away, "Dale" jumped on his back and asked for a piggyback ride. (Fondness for piggyback rides is not a widely practiced obsession, though the legendary illustrator R. Crumb liked to receive them in lieu of sex, according to an ex-girlfriend in the 1994 movie "Crumb.") [News Tribune (Tacoma), 9-16-09]
Failure to Keep a Low Profile: Angel DeLeon, 30, admitted to police in May that he was the one who had just robbed the National Penn Bank in Reading, Pa. Police originally started after DeLeon's car when he raced by them with his radio blaring. [Reading Eagle, 5-22-09]
Ricky Dale Ford was jailed in September in Conway, Ark., accused of stealing an all-terrain vehicle. While joyriding, Ford had accidentally hit a beehive, and when police found him in nearby woods, he was "barely breathing," one officer said, having been stung more than 100 times. [Log Cabin Democrat (Conway), 9-6-09]
Recurring ThemesBritain's local councils are notoriously fearful of lawsuits arising from the garden "allotments" they rent to residents. For example, in September, the Southampton Council barred residents of recently vandalized property from installing barbed wire, lest a trespasser get hurt and sue. [Southern Daily Echo (Redbridge, England), 9-4-09]
Meanwhile, in Michigan, Scott Zeilinski, who is serving eight years in prison for armed robbery, filed a lawsuit against the store he had robbed because an employee (whom Zeilinski had just threatened with a knife to the throat) had pulled out his gun and shot Zeilinski. [WCPO-TV (Cincinnati), 9-1-09]
Undignified DeathsIronies: A 77-year-old woman in Heaton Mersey, England, who was described by friends as an enthusiastic shopper whose home was crammed to the ceiling with purchases, died in January of natural causes, but rescuers made five passes through the clutter before locating her body under stacks of goods that had fallen on her. [BBC News, 7-28-09]
A 45-year-old devout Catholic was killed recently in Vienna, Austria, shortly after a harrowing experience on a stuck elevator. The man had been so traumatized that, following his rescue, he went straight to the Weinhaus Church to give thanks. However, as he approached the altar, an 850-pound stone pillar fell and crushed him. [Austrian Times, 9-9-09; Daily Telegraph (London), 9-10-09]
A News of the Weird Classic (June 2001)"Pain is the sensation of weakness leaving the body," Phoenix "artist" Steve Haworth told a Phoenix New Times reporter in May 2001, while he was arranging scenes for associates of his Church of Body Modification, including a horizontal full-body suspension (hanging for five minutes by rings in body piercings); a tug of war (full-force pulling contest using a rope held taut through rings on various body piercings); free-moving implants just below the skin that appear to be, say, a living bracelet; and various body alterations such as "Vulcan" ears, a ribbed penis and a filleted male urethra. Haworth won't amputate anything, though (too "destructive," he said), thus displeasing his girlfriend, who wants to lose two toes in order to fit into smaller shoes. [Phoenix New Times, 5-31-01]
Thanks This Week to Sam Gaines, Joe Church, Ron Crumpton, and Phil Carhart, and to the News of the Weird Board of Editorial Advisors.
COPYRIGHT 2008 CHUCK SHEPHERD
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07 Oct 2009 11:16
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06 Oct 2009 13:45
FROM UNIVERSAL UCLICK
WEEK OF OCTOBER 4, 2009
What is believed to be the world's only commercial lounge openly serving cocaine operates in La Paz, Bolivia, though the owners of "Route 36" have to change locations from time to time, depending on the moods of the bribed authorities. An August dispatch in London's The Guardian reported that a nearly pure gram costs the equivalent of about $14 ($22 for "premium"), served by waiters in an empty CD case, with straws, but bar drinks are also available. Route 36 is well-known to backpacking tourists. Recalled one waiter, "We had some Australians; they stayed here for four days. (T)he only time they left was to go to the ATM." [The Guardian, 8-19-09]Police FolliesSmall Town: In Jericho, Ark., alleged harassment by cops got so bad, according to an Associated Press report, that the fire chief went to court twice in the same day in August to complain about speed traps. The chief's charge angered the seven officers attending the hearing, and a courtroom scuffle ensued, resulting in the chief's being shot in the back and hospitalized. WMC-TV reported that the shooter has not been charged but that an arrest warrant has been issued for the chief, who was then fired by the mayor. The police force has been disbanded by the Crittenden County sheriff, and all firefighters have resigned. [MSNBC-AP, 9-3-09; WMC-TV (Memphis), 9-22-09]
Big City: George Vera, who weighs nearly 600 pounds, was booked into jail in Houston in August and was in custody for more than 24 hours before he casually informed cops that they had missed finding the 9 mm handgun and two clips that were hidden in his rolls of fat. [KPRC-TV (Houston), 8-6-09]
The Entrepreneurial Spirit!Questionable Business Model: In September, in downtown Longview, Wash., a 23-year-old man held up a sign offering to be kicked in the groin for $5. He made one sale before police, acting on a complaint, made him move on. [The Daily News (Longview), 9-10-09]
Fierce Competition: Police in Broome, Australia, reported in September that a five-year feud between two rival camel-ride vendors in the Cable Beach resort area had erupted again, this time involving allegations of camel theft and tossed camel dung. [Australian Broadcasting Corp. News, 9-8-09]
In July, as the legal brothel business declined precipitously in Germany, owners adopted such gimmicks as free shoe-polishing and discounts for retirees. However, when several brothels began offering flat-rate plans (based on restaurants' all-you-can-eat model), police cracked down, judging them as a little too excessive. [The Times (London), 7-28-09]
Questionable Products: The Spanish toymaker Berjuan has introduced a doll that suckles from a halter worn by young girls who want to mimic their breastfeeding mothers. The Bebe Gloton is not expected to be available in the U.S. until 2010 but is being shown worldwide on YouTube. Americans appear to regard breastfeeding, in general, as much more provocative than Europeans do. [Philadelphia Inquirer, 9-2-09]
The Brazilian company Petsmiling has created a prototype DoggieLoveDoll in three sizes, designed as a "mountable," anatomically correct sex partner for male dogs. It was introduced at the Pet South America fair in Sao Paulo in July, according to Associated Press photos. [Baltimore Sun-AP, 7-27-09]
Science on the Cutting EdgeSharron Thornton had been blinded nine years ago from a severe reaction to medication that caused her mucus membranes, including the eye's lens, to die and shed (and caused her also to lose hair, skin and nails, though the latter three grew back). In a revolutionary procedure, the Bascom Palmer Eye Institute at the University of Miami (Fla.) had the bright idea to shore up her eye with a piece of her tooth and jawbone (the cuspid, or "eye tooth") so that a prosthetic lens could be implanted. That was only part of it: The tooth portion, with the implanted lens, had to be micro-sculpted and implanted first into Thornton's chest for access to nutrients. Thornton's vision is now 20/70 without eyeglasses. [CNN, 9-16-09]
Recent Inexplicable Side Effects of Brain Injury: Malcolm Darby, 70, awoke from surgery following a stroke in Oakham, England, last year to find that he had near-perfect vision (after having worn eyeglasses since age 2) but later discovered that he no longer spoke or understood French. [BBC News, 9-2-09]
A 37-year-old German woman, who had been treated for epileptic seizures in 2006, reported recently that among the side effects were occasional feelings that she had undergone a sex change and was a man. [MSNBC-Live Science, 9-3-09]
Calvino Inman, 15, is not part of the gothic subculture at his high school in Rockwood, Tenn., but he would be a natural. He has an annoying case of what one opthalmologist called "haemolacria," or bloody tears. The boy seems to bleed uncontrollably from the eyes, up to three times a day, according to a September ABC News report, but so far, specialists, employing ultrasound, an MRI, and a CT scan, are unable to determine the cause. [ABC News, 9-1-09]
Bovine MadnessBritain's National Farmers Union issued a general alert in August, after four fatal attacks on people by cows, that dogs should not be walked near grazing fields. "The cattle are interested in the dog, not the walker," said an official. [Reuters, 8-25-09]
During a three-day period in August near the village of Lauterbrunnen, Switzerland, "dozens" of cows killed themselves by leaping off of a particular cliff. Officials discounted accidents as the cause since cows in the area generally become familiar with the dangers of cliffs. [Daily Mail (London), 8-28-09]
News That Sounds Like a JokeJapan's principal organized-crime Yakuza gang, the Yamaguchi-gumi, was reported in September to be giving written tests to its members to improve their knowledge of the law. The leaders were said to be trying to reduce the number of lawsuits against the group. [Mainichi Daily News, 9-5-09]
A prominent British Catholic organization recently issued a 64-page book of spousal prayers targeted to various marital events and even has one pre-coital offering emphasizing that the act to follow must be selfless and not undertaken for personal pleasure. [Daily Mail, 9-2-09]
Recurring Themes: Broward County (Fla.) Sheriff's Office is looking for the man who robbed the Citi Trends store in Oakland Park in September and has released the surveillance video, showing the man removing his mask. However, the man continued trying to shield his face, using only his hands, but the video makes him appear to be playing peek-a-boo, according to a WFOR-TV report. [WFOR-TV (Miami), 9-16-09]
David Perticone, 46, was arrested in Severn, Md., in August and charged with stealing about $25,000 worth of items from a woman's house just down the block. The woman discovered the items in Perticone's front yard, part of a yard sale he was conducting. [WBAL-TV (Baltimore), 8-11-09]
The Classic Middle Name (all-new!)Charged recently with murder and awaiting trial: Michael Wayne Limley, St. Joseph, Mo. (August); Timothy Wayne Sanders, Suffolk, Va. (September); Marcus Wayne Barber, Port Arthur, Texas (September); Robert Wayne Howell, Longview, Texas (September); Barney Wayne Keizer, Salmo, British Columbia (September). Murder trial ordered: Bryan Wayne Hulsey, Glendale, Ariz. (charged in 2007, trial rescheduled for October 2010); Benjamin Wayne Holcroft, Goulburn, Australia (September); Billy Wayne Hall, Sparta, Mo. (trial site changed, September). Sentenced for murder: David Wayne Alexander, Pittsburgh (September); Benjamin Wayne Watta, Seal Beach, Calif. (January). Committed suicide after (according to police) murdering his girlfriend: Jason Wayne Strickland, Gilbert, S.C. (August). Confessed to murder: Billy Wayne Wallace, Fort Worth, Texas (confessed to police in August in cold-case murders from 1986 and 1994 but had not yet been charged at press time). [Limley: News-Press (St. Joseph, Mo.), 9-2-09] [Sanders: Suffolk News-Herald, 9-5-09] [Barber: KFDM-TV (Port Arthur), 9-4-09] [Howell: Tyler Morning Telegraph, 9-5-09] [Keizer: Canadian Press, 9-13-09] [Hulsey: Arizona Republic, 9-17-09] [Holcroft: Australian Broadcasting Corp. News, 9-17-09] [Hall: KYTV (Springfield, Mo.), 9-12-09] [Alexander: Philly.com-AP, 9-16-09] [Watta: Orange County Register, 9-16-09] [Strickland: Charlotte Observer, 8-24-09] [Wallace: Fort Worth Star-Telegram, 8-28-09]
A News of the Weird Classic (August 1998)Golf Imitates Miniature Golf: In May 1998 at Beaver Brook Golf Course in Haydenville, Mass., Todd Obuchowski was credited with a hole-in-one on a par 3 hole after his tee shot went over the green and onto a highway, hit a passing Toyota driven by Nancy Bachand, ricocheted back to the green, and rolled into the cup. At least eight golfers witnessed the shot. [Newsday, 5-24-98]
Thanks This Week to Alan Abair, Dave Brown, Tom Barker, Heather Forsyth, Stephen Taylor, Gary Abbott, Sam Gaines, Justin Warner, Albert Clawson, Jenny Aus, Mike Mendenhall, Neil Gimon, and Roger Meiners, and to the News of the Weird Senior Advisors (Jenny T. Beatty, Paul Di Filippo, Geoffrey Egan, Ginger Katz, Joe Littrell, Matt Mirapaul, Paul Music, Karl Olson, and Jim Sweeney) and the News of the Weird Editorial Advisors (Paul Blumstein, John Cieciel, Harry Farkas, Fritz Gritzner, Herb Jue, Emory Kimbrough, Scott Langill, Steve Miller, Christopher Nalty, Mark Neunder, Bob Pert, Larry Ellis Reed, Rob Snyder, Bruce Townley, and Jerry Whittle).
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