-
24 Nov 2009 10:47
24 November 2009
CFL Coaches: A Pictoral Essay
11/24/2009 06:45:00 AM 5 CommentsThis will be the first in a seven- or eight-post series dedicated to the fine coaches of the Canadian Football League. I decided to do this series as a photo essay when I was watching the football and began seeing striking resemblences between certain CFL coaches and folks..well...what looked like them. Now, it should be said, if you don't follow CFL football, um, well I don't really understand why you wouldn't, but you never know how many times the clowns have skittered out of your closet in the middle of the night to suck the breath from your nostrils, so I guess you can't be blamed for that. Anyway, the point I'm trying to make here is that the CFL is quite a lot different from the NFL (and I should point out here that "CFL" stands for "Canadian Football League" and "NFL" means "National Football League". NFL is played in the "New Nighted States", as Yours Truly used to call the USA). First, there are only eight teams in the CFL, which is few enough that I can name them all here, for posterity: British Columbia Lions Edmonton Eskimos Calgary Stampeders Saskatchewan Roughriders Winnipeg Blue Bombers Toronto Argonauts Hamilton Ti(ger)-Cats Montreal Alouettes There is talk in Ottawa about them starting up another team. They used to have a bunch of rag-tag vagabonds running around there called the "Rough Riders", but they wouldn't know a real football team if it slapped them in the arse. Plus, they went broke. Then they came back for a season or two as the Ottawa Renegades. And then they went broke. So now, there's talk in Ottawa about building a new stadium. Which means they're also talking about bring back a ninth CFL team, which can only, IMO, be a good thing. To be honest, I think we need some Eastern teams. I mean, would it seriously be impossible for Halifax to throw together a team? Anyway. So the CFL is tiny, compared to the NHL (which has 32 teams). Also, there is WAAAAAAAAY more money in the NFL, so sometimes, the coaches, particularly of the more winninger teams (ie - not the Buffalo Bills), and certainly the players, attain some degree of notoriety.
Not so in the CFL. You might watch football for an entire season and still have no concrete idea of what the coach for your favourite team looks like. This photo essay is meant to be a helping guideline for you so that you can learn to recognise the CFL coaches if you see them downtown selling newspapers or used sports equipment to raise money for their team (The Saskatchewan Roughriders are a community-owned team; you can actually buy shares in the team. I'm not sure how many others are, but that's part of the reason why we bitch so much when they don't do well; it's like sending your kid to college and realising he's majoring in the Department of Beer and Bongs).
So. We'll start on the west coast. Oh the left of the screen, you will see the coach. Beside that, you will see the coach's look-alike. Then, later on, there will be a quiz.
This is Wally Buono.
He is the coach of the BC Lions.
This is John Gotti. He is a Mobster*. A dead mobster.
Wally Buono John Gotti
Once again, that was:
Wally Buono John Gotti
For those of you who do not know who John Gotti was, here is, perhaps, a more relevant comparison:
This is Wally Buono. He is the coach of the BC Lions.
This is Fat Tony. He is a Cartoon Mobster* on the Simpsons.
Wally Buono Fat Tony
I should also point out that although the similarity is striking, there is an easy way to ensure you will not become confused as to who is who: Fat Tony is a PRETEND guy. He's a draw'ring', if you will. Wally Buono is very much real, and he has the cutest facial expressions. Usually when his team is doing worse than he thinks it ought to.
Thus endeth the lesson.
--
*Note: No mobsters were harmed in the making of this post. Also: This post in no way infers or implies that Wally Buono *is* a mobster, or that he undertakes any kind of similar behaviours. Merely that he resembles a mobster. Also, all photos used in this series are free-use images and they have not been in any way altered. -
23 Nov 2009 17:59
23 November 2009
A Flu Season Quiz
11/23/2009 09:38:00 AMQ: What wakes up in the middle of the night and coughs so hard it pukes? A: The Nipper! Q: Who is the most likely person to get the Hamthrax (or any other flu) when The Nipper is coughing so hard he pukes, and when The Captain has a fever of 40 degrees? A: cenobyte! Q: Does looking up "Hamthrax" on the Intarweebs work? A: It SURE DOES!!! Q: Is it great to be home with the Sicky McSickertons? A: Yes, but it's No Good when they're this sick, with the constant coughery. Q: Does the Hamthrax vaccine even work? A: Well, the McSickertons aren't dead, and don't seem to be getting *dangerously* ill.
Q: But what about the vaccine being full of tracking bugs that government agencies can use to trace your whereabouts for EVER?
A: Um. Those are risks I'm willing to take.
Q: Haven't you ever heard that vaccines cause autism?
A: I've heard that, yeah. I've also heard that all life on the planet was created 5,000 years ago, over a span of seven days. And that all life in the universe is going to end in1,00016662,00020012012. -
21 Nov 2009 12:09
20 November 2009
Doofus and the Crosseyed Wench
11/20/2009 10:27:00 PM 0 CommentsDear little wee people living inside my television: It must be very difficult for you living in there; you have to have specially-made tiny furniture and cars and underpants. I suppose they don't let you out of there much, what with the demands of syndication. On the other hand, your weather is usually predictable. Listen, I think it's wonderful that Doofus and The Crosseyed Wench decided to get married to each other in mini-Las Vegas, and I'm not going to lie to you; when I saw them with miniscule Star Trek communicator pins, my cockles were warmed. I am certianly not one to begrudge two weirdos in love. And honestly, I would have loved to get married on the bridge of the Enterprise. In fact, when His Nibs and Yours Truly were sending out invitations, we even sent one to Mr. William Shatner. Well. To be honest, *I* sent an invitation. For our wedding. To Mr. William Shatner. So imagine my surprise when I saw you, trapped in your miniature world, your trifling world walled on one side by glass, talking to a pocket-sized wedding planner about your wedding in Las Vegas, and you said the only guest you wanted was none other than Mr. William Shatner. MY William Shatner. My Mr. William Shatner who didn't even send back my RSVP card, even though I'd sent an SASE and enough Yankee postage to get it back here. I thought, "Oh. Oh, this is too rich. Doofus and The Crosseyed Wench will NEVER get Mr. William Shatner. First of all, he's far too busy to return people's RSVP cards in postage-paid SASEs. MUCH too busy to actually *go* to someone's wedding just because they watched him once a week on Saturday mornings for the first fifteen years of their lives." You know, I don't really have all that much to say to you, to be honest. The truth is, you are only, at maximum, twenty-some inches high. And you can't 'ekscape' your little LCD/Plasma prison. And I think that serves you right. Shatner stealers. So we're not going to keep up this charade, my meager former friends. I hope your sham of a "wedding" was everything you wanted to be. The dress made you look fat. Yours in disenShatulation, cenobyte -
20 Nov 2009 18:44
-
20 Nov 2009 00:35
-
19 Nov 2009 03:51
-
18 Nov 2009 10:23
18 November 2009
Define "Retreat"
11/18/2009 08:10:00 AM 1 CommentsSo. Only one of these scenarios really happened in the really really world. You might not know this, but I spent the weekend at a monastery while His Nibs and the kids stayed at home. And do you know what happened there? A whole lot of sex. Serioulsy. Couldn't get away from it. A staggering amount of sex. What's the collective noun for an awful lot of copulation? There was a nuzzle of sex. (Wait; can you *have* a collective noune for a verb? It does seem rather counter-intuitive, doesn't it? Maybe it's a collective adjective then.) There was nuzzling and caressing and humping and fucking every time I turned around. I am *totally* not complaining. At a MONASTERY (and yes, the Benedictines are Roman Catholic). Now, in the dream I had last night (yes, that first part actually happened), Neuba and her J and their gorgeous baby, and Darth Xander and *his* J and *their* gorgeous baby, and a bunch of people who haven't any gorgeous babies at all were all staying in a hotel of sorts. It seemed to me that Neuba and her J were living in this apartment/condo complex, because they had a bathtub in the main room. It was a large clawfoot tub with coloured water and jets. And Yours Truly was about 5 months pregnant. (**sigh**) I mean, lots of other things happened, but that was the real salient point. Oh, and my mum showed up. She and I and my grandmother had a *really* long conversation last night (thank you, mugwort tea!), but I wasn't expecting to see mum again tonight. She was disdainful of all the crap I'd brought to the hotel/apartment (with good right). She also told me to lose some weight (she's been telling me that since I was eleven, and she's right). So a big hey to Neuba and her J and their wee wiggler, and to Darth Xander and his J and their wee wobbler. You guys seem to be doing great! Also, babies and toddlers from now on shall be called 'wigglers and wobblers', and in the store I own that has toys, handmade clothes, and other kidstuff, that's how their section shall be labelled. Make it so. -
17 Nov 2009 18:06
17 November 2009
Pretty Deep
11/17/2009 07:25:00 AM 3 CommentsSo this one time, Smarty Pants and I were walking somewhere, and we were talking about stuff...I presume...because I don't remember it. But he assures me it's true and that this really happened. Then he said some stuff about the ocean and then I said something about ...um... something else, and then he was talking about...er....whales? Maybe? And then there was some such thing about how stupid some people are, and then I said something really funny like, "Pretty Deep", but I don't remember why it's funny, and I don't remember if it's actually that or "Pretty Dumb". And you know the worst part? The worst part is that Smarty Pants has re-told me this story, this story *about my own self*, that happened when I was not pregnant, and when I *was* completely sober, and had had a lot of sleep the night before. Smarty Pants has told me this story about my own self at least two times. TWO. Times. Somewhere in my brain there had better be something really fucking important stored, because I swear to God, it's taking up space that could be put to good use. Not that it isn't put to good use now; I mean, have literally no way of knowing. -
17 Nov 2009 02:26
-
16 Nov 2009 11:00
16 November 2009
Technical Difficulties
11/16/2009 08:52:00 AM 6 CommentsTwo folks have now informed me that they receive notice when I update this bournal, but that they cannot see the posts. I know that at least two folks can see the posts, and the bournal in its full glory. I have a crackpot theory. My crackpot theory is that folks in Saskatoon cannot see the bournal because there is a kind of cosmic interference between the bournal's pure awesome and The King's pure awesome. The King, you see, lives in Saskatoon. And is convinced he is made of pure awesome. Which he very well may be. However, I *do* know that the bournal is made of pure awesome, because I made it. And I made it out of pure awesome. So. If you can see the Bournal and the updates, please post an "AHOY!" in the comments. If you cannot see the Bournal and the updates, tear off all your clothing and run around in the street screaming "It's so UNFAIR!" and throw in a couple of rousing choruses of "THE BELLS!!! THE BELLS!!!" while you're at it. If you can see the bournal but choose not to read it, you're being a poop.
Search the Site
Custom Search
