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09 Feb ' 10:39
- The key to success is setting your goals low enough. 1 hour ago
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- Okay. Batechism. Um. There is only one fucking pope. And it's me. So. Remember that. And, uh, don't do crimes. #batchism2 hours ago
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09 Feb ' 04:59
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08 Feb ' 23:06
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08 Feb ' 17:18
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08 Feb ' 11:25
The only light you’ll see
I wrote a note to The Captain’s teacher and vice principal today. Actually, I wrote the note yesterday, but guess who forgot to give it to his teacher until this morning?
On my way to work, I got a call from the vice principal who, chuckling, said he’d received the note and that it was the best note he’d seen and that it had the entire staff laughing. I bade him well and thanked him for his hard work wrangling 400 K-8 children, and then wondered what the hell I’d written in that note.
I knew what it was *about*. And I wrote it *less than 48 hours ago*. Someday, if I ever have a book published, I will be the sort of person who pulls my own book off the shelf and is completely surprised by every aspect of it, from the cover to the ending. Because I will have utterly forgotten that I wrote it.
Fast forward five minutes. His Nibs calls to tell me that The Nipper, who has been puking every half hour since midnight, is feeling better and is watching a movie (I know; I set him up in front of the boob tube while His Nibs passed out at 7am) and had I called the school?
“You know, that’s a strange thing. I did call the school, and told them The Nipper would be wallowing in the effluvia of his own digestive tract today, but then the vice principal called me back…”
“Uh-oh,” His Nibs said. Rightly so. Usually the only time the vice principal calls is when someone has shot someone’s eye out with a Red Ryder carbine-action, two hundred shot Range Model air rifle with a compass in the stock and this thing which tells time. Or when someone has barfed all over himself in class. Or when someone else has decided that the little turd calling everyone “gay” on the playground really needs to learn what “gay” really means and gleefully punches the snot out of him while explaining that if you use “gay” to mean anything other than “happy”, you’re being a homophobic bully. At which point the homophobic bully replies with “whatever, faggot”, and the gleeful punching of snot stops being gleeful and starts being Serious Punching Business.
ANYWAY.
So I says to His Nibs, I says, “Your Nibs, I haven’t a frigging clue what I wrote in the note to the vice principal, but he seems to have got a good chortle out of it. I *think* it was something funny, regarding having our permission to leave school property to go for lunch with his buddies at the sandwich shoppe, but I can’t remember if it was a veiled reference to what might happen to him if instead of returning to school, he hangs out with his buddies by the train tracks poking a dead body (a bunch of teenagers show up and then one of his buddies pulls a frigging gun on them, and that’s just not safe. See above, with the Red Ryder), or whether I’d mentioned something about if he’s late coming back, the school has our permission to get The Captain to clean all the whiteboards with his tongue.”
“Uh, neither,” His Nibs said. “You wrote that The Captain has our permission to leave school property to go to the sandwich shoppe for lunch today, but that if he’s late getting back, the school is to inform him he won’t be going to the sandwich shoppe again until he’s thirty-five. And that if he’s still living at home when he’s thirty-five, we will have bigger fish to fry. Normally your attempts at humour are just kind of silly, but that one was quite good, I thought.”
“Ah yes. I remember now. And I wrote it on the Star Trek paper, did I not?”
His Nibs: “SIGH”
- [cotu] The only light you’ll see: I wrote a note to The Captain’s teacher and vice principal today. Actually, I ... http://t.co/fnsZXg3l2 hours ago
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- Dudes. All y'all are NASTY. #fightingcrimes4 hours ago
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- Now that I mention it, though, Lenin with a ball gag was nothing compared to the Red Baron with a whiffle bat. 38 minutes ago
- You know, I haven't been saying much lately. Which reminds me of the time Lenin lost his ball gag. 3 hours ago
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08 Feb ' 06:27
In 418 people's circles
- Oh wait. A Jewish Italian cuttlefish. Who suffers from mania and hysteria. 32 minutes ago
- Oh. And a vaguely Jewish cuttlefish. Awesome. 34 minutes ago
- It's bad enough that the writing is terrible, but there's a line between fiction and just plain incorrect. And this movie crossed it. Lots. 35 minutes ago
- So. In THIS movie, dolphins aren't actually structured along vaguely matriarchal lines 35 minutes ago
- You know what grinds my gears? When the people who produce kids' shows think they can shirk on the writing. 42 minutes ago
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08 Feb ' 01:30
- The Pukes - 2; The Nipper - 0. Awesome. 2 hours ago
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07 Feb ' 20:24
- Which is pretty close to midwife, if you think about it. 27 minutes ago
- Or would that be a MYWF 27 minutes ago
- Or rather, a MYLF 27 minutes ago
- I want to be a MILF. 27 minutes ago
- Should I enter the writing contest? 1 hour ago
- mmrilla Um. AND CONFESS. Because I'm the fucking pope. 7 minutes ago
- mmrilla I'll get off your roof when you STOP DOING CRIMES. 7 minutes ago
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07 Feb ' 16:05
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07 Feb ' 11:52
Your smile
I pulled back the curtain, but I don’t know what I expected to see. Nothing, I suppose. But still, with the wishes I have made on a thousand eyelashes, on as many dull pennies found in the gutter, I wished. I thought maybe…maybe.
My wishes are used now. I’ll not see you again. Not in the smoke of a hundred fires, not in the half-light of the rest of my mornings. How terrible is it that I have forgotten your voice? I can remember your words but not the you that gave them shape.
What did I think I would see when I pulled back that curtain?
I thought I would see you there, by the door. Leaning against the doorframe in a grey huskies shirt, sweat pants and your ratty grey moccasins. Why did I think of you in grey? Because your colours have faded, like your voice.but I knew that if I could see you, you’d be smiling.
I’ll never forget your smile.
In 417 people's circles
- [cotu] Your smile: I pulled back the curtain, but I don’t know what I expected to see. Nothing, I suppose. But s... http://t.co/EN1PoFtm4 hours ago
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- But I stuffed these fancy robes full of straw and just shoved them in the closet with a tape recorder. I'll totally get back to you. 1 hour ago
- So, um, okay, here's the deal. There's, like, CRIMES happening, and I, you know, kind of fight that shit. So I'm'a be away for Batechism. 1 hour ago
- 21 hours ago
- 23 hours ago
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