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03 Nov 2009 01:22
11.02.2009jewel has bad timing
If Jewel wants attention, and it would seem she does, she shouldn’t have posed for bikini pictures on Halloween weekend. If she ended up competing with hot girls in slutty costumes, she would get killed, and thx to sexy bitches like Kim Kardashian and Kimberly Phillips, that’s exactly what happened. Jewel should have waited until someone died or something. Someone like Julia Roberts. So people would be sad, but not that sad. I mean, c’mon, who cares. On a day like that Jewel bikini pictures would seem quite nice. So there it is. The lesson is clear: we must kill Julia Roberts!
11.02.2009kimberly phillips is the best
While we’re on the subject of sexy Hollywood Halloween pictures, September Playmate Kimberly Phillips has some from the Playboy party on her facebook (her facebook fan page is ). This is relevant to my interests because she might be the most perfect girl of all time (a few of her Playboy pics here), and there is literally nothing on earth I would rather do than look at pictures of Kimberly Phillips.
If I had cancer, and in one hand you had a pill in the form of a gummy bear that would cure me and also make me immortal and give me the power to fly, and in the other hand you had new naked pictures of Kimberly Philips, I would rip the pictures from your hand and then slap you for wasting my precious time. How Dare You! Give me those pictures and leave me at once!
11.02.2009oh dear god
Kim Kardashian calls this Princess Jasmine costume part of her “Disney Halloween”, but a better name might be “HOLYFUCKINGSHIT”. Kim used to be kind of average looking. Now she seems to get hotter every day. If I had sex with her while she wore this outfit, I would just chop my dick off and frame it when we were done, because no matter what happened next it would all be down hill from there. I prefer to remember it in it’s prime.
11.02.2009dakota fanning is a queen
Dakota Fanning really is a cheerleader at Campbell Hall Episcopal High School in North Hollywood, and this weekend she was named a member of the Homecoming Court and then Homecoming Queen during a football game.
If this whole thing seems adorably yet suspiciously normal, that’s because Dakota is the same age as Ali Lohan. Dakota goes to school and looks and acts 15 because she’s 15. Ali looks 44 because she doesn’t go to school and spends her nights in bars with her idol, Lindsay. Then she stumbles home at 6am and says “is this my apartment” before passing out on a couch. Some time later she’ll wake up and vaguely remember a dream about getting trained and wonder why her vagina now makes a whistling sound when she walks around and air passes over it.
11.02.2009monday afternoon headlines
MEL GIBSON - has a new baby girl. His Russian girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva gave birth Friday afternoon. Luckily she wasn’t born one day later, on Halloween, or else like 15 different prophecies in the Torah would have come true. None of them good. (abc news
JESSICA SIMPSON - went on Twitter to defend her sister and attack ‘Melrose Place’, who fired Ashlee last week. “catching up on MP. who writes this crap? i have had bad scripts to work with, but this? thank God my sister is amazing and got you some press.” After that she began to rub her breasts and wrote, “wow, I have really sensitive nipples.” No not really but that would have been awesome. (twitter
THE WIRE - will now be offered as a course at Harvard. Watching the TV show. Will be a course. At Harvard. “I do not hesitate to say that it has done more to enhance our understanding of the challenges of urban life and the problems of urban inequality, more than any other media event or scholarly publication,” sociology professor William J. Wilson said. In a related story, I announced I’ll be teaching a course entitled, “Why The Germans And Chinese Are Now Kicking Our Ass.” (ny post)ANNALYNNE MCCORD - went to Halloween as … bat … girl? Man? Both? Neither? I have no idea. It doesn’t really matter. I don’t wanna give away too many details, but let’s just say someone masturbated to these, if you catch my drift. ()
11.02.2009mariah really is an angel
In complete accordance to the public opinion that Mariah Carey is full of herself, she dressed up as an angel for the Halloween parties Saturday night, and her servant Nick Cannon went as, “Guy Who Will Do Anything for Money”. Not that I blame him of course. In the 8th grade I dated a fat girl one summer just because she had a pool. Advantage = Nick Cannon.
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