Page2RRS

• 15 Oct 2009 11:25

  2009.10.15-23.08 Welcome to Orsm.net. Call me a killjoy but I think because something is not to my taste, no-one else should be able to enjoy it... Con-fucking-struction everywhere. In between a house down the street being demolished, some sort of concrete cutting spectacle down the other and god knows what they are building at the park directly over the road I'm surrounded by activity. For the last two weeks there's been a constant rumble of trucks and diggers, that incessant reversing beep-beep-beep and nauseating exhaust fumes filling the air, not to mention the dust. It's also messed up my sleeping patterns. With the newfound early morning sunlight, unimpeded by daylight saving, they're starting bright and early so whilst my body has adjusted, my brain has not. I now seem to pre-empt the firing up of machinery and wake up the wrong side of 7am. Okay in the real world but with a usual 1am bedtime it generally leads to an unscheduled late afternoon power nap at my desk. Gayness. I've blogged about this crap before but really had to laugh at the boat load of Sri Lankan people currently trying to invade Australia. Not so much at their predicament or what they're allegedly trying to flee but after being detained en route by Indonesia they have the audacity to make demands. First they were going to set their shit box vessel alight, and now refusing to disembark until the 'international community' finds them a new home. Oh really? Anything else? How about a hand job from a girl with really big boobs? Suppose I can understand why they're so belligerent... not making it to Oz means no gravy train - missing out on the free air-conditioned accommodation, food, phone and money they'd heard so much about from relatives who were already living it up in detention after arriving illegally is something none of us would want to face. Moving on... or rather back to, me, my life and whatever else I can string together thereby filling the remaining gap... Saturday was an early start to give my sis and her friends a ride to the pickup point for Spring in the Valley which is basically a huge piss up at the wineries on the outskirts of the metro area. My mates and I did it a few years back [before it was cool] so decided not to attend. Instead I did fun stuff like spend all morning fixing a mates computer. From there it was groceries and home to finish off the remaining kitchen reno stuff.  Was so tired that nite I fell asleep with TV on which of course lead to yet another ungodly start - 6.30am but just in time to watch the start of Bathurst 1000, which for anyone who doesn't know, is a 1000km car race held annually. Epic Holden versus Ford rivalry. Managed to drag myself out of bed an hour later and get stuck into sorting my own damn computer problems whilst watching the race. Admittedly mostly my own doing this time - made a huge mess with a cuntly virus which torched most of the programs I use daily so a full Windows reinstall was required. Matter of fact it was two reinstalls due to the first being 'problematic'. Monday... 6am start up for an airport run. I'd made a point some time ago that if certain people insisted on booking middle-of-the-night flights they would have to cab it because the disruption was too great. They got around this by making it 9am flights... "So 7am pickup is fine?" Yep fantastic... almost as good 3am except this way I get to enjoy an hour of peak hour traffic! Wicked man! Alight let's stop the drivel there. I could go on... there's a whole bunch of total boring crap [including car, dog, house, various interpersonal relationships] that I'm could spend considerable time on but will spare you guys and get busy with this week's ever so spectacular update. Check it... Chopper is back! Orsm favourite and comedy legend Heath Franklin is about to launch a brand new DVD entitled 'Make Deadshits History'. There's a whole bunch of clips on YouTube or go straight for the good stuff and find the DVD Word MountainTasty TeenPopped Implant!Pool HottieGet Gayo!Errr What?Bus BrawlPorn Overload Highway BewberyShauna Sex TapeMelissa is TightFully Sick BroWiki FailsMoronFreaky Fuck Pearl's NecklaceMad Tramp SkillzSeth FreakoutBig Big BigFace MashB-Boy KOAnime Jubblies A man took a young woman to an X-rated movie, purchased some refreshments and showed his date to her seat. Soon after the onscreen action started, she put her hand on the man's lap. Looking over at him, she remarked: "I see this is getting you excited, too. But how come it's so cold?" "Because you're jerking off my popsicle!" the man replied. Two gay men are beach walking, holding hands when a beautiful Woman passes them. She's 5'10", 120 lbs, 38-24-36, with a string bikini on and no tan lines! The first gay man turns to his friend, sighs audibly, and in a breathless whisper says, "Its women like her that sometimes make me wish I was a LESBIAN!!" Q. What's pink and goes round and round on a carousel? A. Stephen Gately's suitcase. I just had a call from a Charity asking me to donate some of my clothes to the starving people throughout the world. I told them to fuck off!! Anybody who fits into my clothes isn't starving!! Cutie Chinese Girl Coaster Titties Come Out Cow Eats Chicken Driver Soaks Kids At Bus Stop Fucked Hard In The Butt Clumsy Cops Unsuccessful Roadblock Mugger Owned One day, a bloke and his mate were in a pub talking. One man said to the other "Oh! I just remembered, did you hear that Keith died?" "What! Our mate Keith? No I didn't, how did he die?" asked the other man. "Well, he was driving up to my house to watch the rugby, but just as he was approaching my house he hit my garden wall and smashed straight through the windscreen!" explained the man. "Geeze, that must have been messy." replied the other. "Oh no! That's not how he died! He then flew through his windscreen and then smashed through my kitchen window, skidded over the work surface taking everything with him. He was there laid on the floor amongst the knives he'd took with him and was surrounded by shards of glass!" explained the first man. "Ouch, poor guy." replied the second. "Oh no! That's not how he died! He was still alive, he tried to grab the ledge to get up but he pulled the boiled kettle down and he was covered in boiling water!" continued the first man. "Ooh, that's even worse" said the second man. "Oh no! I doesn't end there! He tried to clamber to his feet but he slipped on the water and smacked his head on the oven. The oven door clicked open and a super hot pan full of boiling oil and roast potatoes came out and covered him, burning his skin off!" said the first man. "God, could it get any worse?" said the second man. "Oh no! That's not how he died!" "Hang on! Hang on! Just exactly how did he die?" said the second guy, who was growing impatient. "I shot him. The little bastard was wrecking my house and had ruined my dinner!" SERIOUSLY KAYDEN In 1849 a miner comes into a new town after being in the field for a month. He's carrying a sack of gold. The first thing he does is head to the local saloon. As he approaches the bar he flips the sack of gold on the bar and says, "Hey barkeep give everybody in the place a drink, I'm going upstairs to take a shower. Send up a steak dinner and the prettiest girl in town. Take out a few bucks for your troubles." The bartender hollers out, "Sorry Mac there aren't any women in town. All we got is an old Chinaman." The gold miner without missing a step up the stairs, answers, "Never mind I don't go for that kinda shit." The next day the miner is off back to the fields and doesn't return for 6 weeks. When he returns he has a sack of gold about twice the size as the original one. Again he heads for the saloon and says, "Hey barkeep give everybody whatever they want to drink and eat for the rest of the night. I'm going up to my room and take a shower. Send up some food and a couple of the best women in town. Take out some gold for your troubles." The bartender again bellows out, "Sorry partner we still have no women in town. The stagecoach that was bringing them in had problems. All we got is that old Chinaman." This time the miner stops about halfway up the stairs, pauses a few seconds and says, "Never mind I don't go for that kinda shit." The next morning the miner is once again headed to the gold fields. This time he's gone for another month and when he returns he has two sacks of gold both larger than the previous one. First stop has him back at the saloon. He enters, throws one of the bags on the bar and says, "Hey barkeep drinks are on me till that bag is gone, keep some for yourself. I'm going upstairs to take a shower. Send me up the best steak in the house and three of the prettiest women in town because I'm horny as hell." Again the bartender says, "Sorry Mac the women never did get here. The only thing we got is the old Chinaman." This time the miner spends at least a minute on the stairs thinking about how horny he is and finally says, "OK, send the old Chinaman up." The bartender replies, "That will be $600.00 in advance." The miner turns around in disbelief and screams, "WHAT!? $600.00 for an old Chinaman?" The bartender replies, "No Sir, the $600.00 is for the three guys that are going to hold the Chinaman down. He don't go for that kinda shit either!" Sexy Young Blonde I Need A Push! Neo Geo Dancing Guy Perfect Endo College Couple Singer Nip Slip Russian Big Brother High Voltage GEOGRAPHY FACTS More than half of the coastline of the entire United States is in Alaska.The Amazon rainforest produces more than 20% the world's oxygen supply. The Amazon River pushes so much water into the Atlantic Ocean that, more than one hundred miles at sea off the mouth of the river, one can dip fresh water out of the ocean.The volume of water in the Amazon River is greater than the next eight largest rivers in the world combined and three times the flow of all rivers in the United States. Antarctica is the only land on our planet that is not owned by any country.Ninety percent of the world's ice covers Antarctica. This ice also represents seventy percent of all the fresh water in the world. As strange as it sounds, however, Antarctica is essentially a desert. The average yearly total precipitation is about two inches. Although covered with ice (all but 0.4% of it, ice.), Antarctica is the driest place on the planet, with an absolute humidity lower than the Gobi desert.Brazil got its name from the nut, not the other way around. Canada has more lakes than the rest of the world combined. Canada is an Indian word meaning 'Big Village'.Next to Warsaw, Chicago has the largest Polish population in the world. Woodward Avenue in Detroit, Michigan, carries the designation M-1, so named because it was the first paved road anywhere.Damascus, Syria, was flourishing a couple of thousand years before Rome was founded in 753 BC, making it the oldest continuously inhabited city in existence. Istanbul, Turkey, is the only city in the world located on two continents.Los Angele's full name is El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de Los Angeles de Porciuncula - and can be abbreviated to 3.63% of its size: L.A. The term 'The Big Apple' was coined by touring jazz musicians of the 1930's who used the slang expression 'apple' for any town or city. Therefore, to play New York City is to play the big time - The Big Apple.There are more Irish in New York City than in Dublin, Ireland. More Italians in New York City than in Rome, Italy and more Jews in New York City than in Tel Aviv, Israel. The smallest island with country status is Pitcairn in Polynesia, at just 1.75 sq. miles/4.53 sq. km.The first city to reach a population of 1 million people was Rome, Italy in 133 B.C. There is a city called Rome on every continent. Siberia contains more than 25% of the world's forests.The actual smallest sovereign entity in the world is the Sovereign Military Order of Malta (S.M.O.M). It is located in the city of Rome, Italy, has an area of two tennis courts, and as of 2001 has a population of 80, 20 less people than the Vatican. It is a sovereign entity under international law, just as the Vatican is. In the Sahara Desert, there is a town named Tidikelt, Algeria, which did not receive a drop of rain for ten years.Spain literally means 'the land of rabbits.' St. Paul, Minnesota, was originally called Pig's Eye after a man named Pierre 'Pig's Eye' Parrant who set up the first business there.Chances that a road is unpaved in the U.S.A : 1%, in Canada: 75% The deepest hole ever drilled by man is the Kola Superdeep Borehole, in Russia. It reached a depth of 12,261 meters (about 40,226 feet or 7.62 miles). It was drilled for scientific research and gave up some unexpected discoveries, one of which was a huge deposit of hydrogen - so massive that the mud coming from the hole was boiling with it.The Eisenhower interstate system requires that one-mile in every five must be straight. These straight sections are usable as airstrips in times of war or other emergencies. The water of Angel Falls (the World's highest) in Venezuela drops 3,212 feet (979 meters). They are 15 times higher than Niagara Falls. GIMME A KISS! There was a man who woke up one morning with a red ring around his member. Astonished by this, he panicked and hurried to the emergency room. The ER doctor looked at it and gave the man some lotion to rub on it twice a day. He advised that if there were no positive results he should come back the next day. This went on for three days, until a new nurse happened to be in the same ER. She asked if she could suggest something. The doctor, now at his wit's end because he wasn't able to cure the problem, agreed to let the nurse try her hand. The nurse gave the man a tube of lotion, and advised the patient to rub it very gently on his member before he went to bed. The man went home and followed her instructions. The very next day he stopped by the hospital, happy as a lark! He found the nurse and doctor and thanked them for all their help. As the man left, the doctor turned to the nurse and asked what the miracle lotion was. The nurse smiled and replied, "Lip stick remover." YOU REALLY CAN VEND ANYTHING is actually it! You're able to watch unlimited live webcam shows with full audio and chat. It's absolutely free and registration is not required. If you would like to contribute to the social snapshot that is Orsm Reader Mail thus being immortalised for all eternity then here is where you click. I get all giddy everytime Outlook chimes upon reciept of new mail so PLEASE, drop what you're doing, navigate your way to the Contact page and send me your shit! I'll love you forever and may even leave a little something for you in my will... xitz Subject: FEVApparently what Brendan Fevola did at Brownlow:1. Punched out Marc Murphy 2. Pushed Rebecca Twigley to the ground when she tried to restrain him from attacking a security guard. 3. Sexually assaulted a female journalist. SAM LANE 4. Was involved in an incident with Gibbs's girlfriend which left her in tears. he apparently pulled down the top of Gibbs girlfriend who was not wearing bra, in front of quite a few of the  Carlton players and board. 5. Had the 2IC of the AFL Adrian Anderson in a headlock (along with James Brayshaw) 6. Abused Warren Tredrea, along with other high standing opposition players/officials.  7. Swore/abused Chris Judd repeatedly when he attempted to have words to him. 8. Exposed himself to Rebecca Twigley asking her to accept it orally.  9. Punched a Channel 9 producer (don't know who).  10. Felt up Demetriou's wife (might explain why he came out saying Fev had to clean his act) From a taxi driver (who had Carlton board member in car) that Fev groped Twigley - that's why he had to go. Judd had a large say in trading matters. Apparently board member said he would be definitely traded. Mark Subject: McDonalds pic Dude, The picture on Random Shite about tghe Australian McDonalds memo is a hoax. It was a parody and not real. True although when they do fuck up revenge can be attained by returning and having them remake the entire order due to it now being cold. -Orsm Subject: New beerholders A picture of a girl who doesn't need to put her beer down! Hide my info pleez Impressive. -Orsm Anthony Subject: Online Dating Always ask for more than 1 photo! At first I was like wooo... 0Orsm Dan Subject: tuff loveHey Orsm. An old friend of mine decided to deal out some tuff love when her son was throwing rocks at passing cars. I came across this on her face book page and it cracks me up every time I look at it. Thought I would share with you all. By the way love this site. Subject: ContributionHey, I saw this and couldn't help but think someone didn't review this page before they printed. Hide my details please. Bie Bop Subject: uncle My uncle (age 76) after trying to stop the asshole that was robbing his neighbour in Amsterdam.... Ouch. -Orsm Shane Subject: Backwards painted truck doubles as pants crapperImagine the momentary terror of a semi coming straight at you on the open road Wesley Subject: Install screen Is it just me, or is there a subliminal message here when you install this product? Vaginaaaa. -Orsm Mike Subject: My Room Mate's Ex-Girlfriend's BoobiesI love your site. I've tuned in every Thursday since grade 8. My college room mate recently convinced the girl he was pounding in the summer to send us some naked pics. Legitimate. Please hide my details. SEYMORE Subject: Dust stormDust storm in Mutitjulu Community near Ayers Rock. Northern Territory Subject: drone bombers in afghanSome ppl Should learn to do there homework b4 commenting of stuff they do not know abaout. As a current serving member in the army and and being based in perth myself and having just returned from afghan not long ago myself, that the above mentioned "uav" is currently unable to carry weapons, and that the following video that was posted up was not infact an actual flight control centre at all, it was a simulation centre and not one of the C.I.A. The current "PREDATOR and REAPER UAV'S" that the military use have a current range of 200km b4 needing to come back for refueling and weapons restocking. The "Uav" that was shown in the video above was not a PREDATOR OR A REAPER DRONE it was a global hawk drone which is used for reconnaissance and surveillance missions only, future verions of this will be capable of carrying weapons and inflight refueling canisters. and the control centre is just the same as the pics I have sent u. Just thought I would like to clarify this to the ppl so there not missled by ppl who asume they now what there talking about!!!! Subject: ex girlfriend picsthis bitch just broke up with me the day before our 2.5 year aniversary, because shes didnt get in the same uni as me so is 70 miles away and has no time for me. heres a few pics of her. hide my info please a te Subject: Lamborghini's at the University of WashingtonHey Mr. ORSM, long time reader and finally have something cool that I think could contribute to your wonderful site. These are pictures of some of the dozens of nice Lamborghini's that showed up atthe University of Washington to help dedicate the new "Lamborghini" lab at our school. They even had a Lamborghini Murcielago LP670-4! Sorry for the not so great quality, had to use my phone. Anthony Having a bad day, not as bad as his. GRAPHIC CONTENT WARNING! -Orsm Attached are 4 sexy pictures of my girlfriend. please hide details! She's A keeper! -Orsm Subject: More Breaking News........It just keeps getting better and better,,,,, he is so AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!! David Subject: 993 Cat LoaderWhoops. zoom in on second picture. The Operator is still in it!!!! Ha! I bet that tightened him up a bit. Subject: My little contribution to your siteHey there. been a Fan of your site for the last 3 years, & it's my turn to contribute a little something to your site. you're doing a good job so keep up the good work. here is my contribution I hooked up with my friend last weekend in Orlando, Florida & we got a little bit drunk & got it on. she'll kill me if she finds out that I'm trying to post them online, since she's already pissed for me taking those pix in the first place. So please Withheld my Information. Thanks. Reg Subject: islamic disco in yemen ?????? ??????hey mate theres some lovely shielas here for you to crack on to show us yer skirt! Subject: just for funno details to be displayed,,pls It's stuff like this that makes my day. God bless you good woman! -Orsm Dirty Nurse Sex Accidental Upskirt 3 Minute Whisky Drinker VW Test Driving A small boy was awoken in the middle of the night by strange noises from his parents' room, and he decided to investigate. As he entered their bedroom, he was shocked to see his mom and dad shagging for all they were worth. "DAD!" he shouted. "What are you doing?" "It is ok," his father replied. "Your mother wants a baby that is all." The small boy, excited at the prospect of a new baby brother, was pleased and went back to bed with a smile on his face. Several weeks later, the little boy was walking past the bathroom and was shocked to discover his mother giving oral gratification to his father. "DAD!" he shouted. "What are you doing now?" "Son, there has been a change of plan," his father replied. "Your mother did want a baby, but now she wants a BMW." JESSI GIRL Just remember - you can't unsee what you've already seen. Check it... A gray-haired, middle-aged, friend of mine was sitting at the evening dinner table yesterday along with his spouse, when she startled him by telling that she'd had a memorable dream the night before. He was slow to ask what she'd dreamt about. So, she quickly went on to tell him that it had included both of them, without any of his prodding. "I dreamed that you found a much younger woman, and that you threw me out!" She blurted out impetuously. Then adding in a sort of a cynical way "Of course in just a few days, you came crawling by, and asked me to come back, tired of her whiny ways!" "And of course I told you to bite it!" She added forcefully. He paused a minute before saying "That wasn't very nice of you!" After a minute, he thoughtfully asked her "How old was she?". "How old do you want her to be?" she responded nastily. "Nineteen!" He quickly answered. "Okay, she was nineteen!" She meekly returned. He thought about that for a long moment, before asking again "What did she look like?" Now becoming just a little frustrated with him, and his cavalier attitude, she answered "I wasn't focused on that, I was thinking about my own situation and my own feelings" as she looked intently toward him. He rolled back in his chair, staring into space and said "Hell if she's nineteen, who cares what she looks like!" MY OWNER IS AN IDIOT An exhausted looking blonde dragged herself in to the doctor's office. "Doctor, there are dogs all over my neighbourhood. They bark all day and all night, and I can't get a wink of sleep." "I have good news for you," the doctor answered, rummaging through a drawer full of sample medications. "Here are some new sleeping pills that work like a dream. A few of these and your trouble will be over." "Great," the blonde answered, "I'll try anything. Let's give it a shot." A few weeks later the blonde returned, looking worse than ever. "Doc, your plan is no good. I'm more tired than before!" "I don't understand how that could be", said the doctor, shaking his head. "Those are the strongest pills on the market!" "That may be true," answered the blondie wearily, "but I'm still up all night chasing those dogs and when I finally catch one it's hard getting him to swallow the pill!" Amazing Foot Job Bully Gets Schooled Pilot Showing Off Trampoline Dog Umm... what am I supposed to say here? Let's just try this... . You got that? Check out the site archives. - Next update will be next Thursday... as if I have any choice in the matter anyway...otherwise my friend Ray will put extra sticky in your sticky date. Until next time be good, stay off the chems and get some sleep. Enjoy. Mr. Orsm.

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