Page2RRS

• 24 Sep 2009 09:37

  2009.09.24-23.oh2 Welcome to Orsm.net. Whoa... gay And just like that I'm back to reality. 11 days, 3146 kilometres, 367 litres of fuel, 45 hours behind the wheel, 2100 photos and it's all over. Had a fucking great time, saw some amazing country and finally, for the first time in too long, had a chance to relax. Not really sure how to squeeze everything into one blog but here is the truncated version... Departure was the Tuesday. Destination Kalgoorlie - a mining town 600 kilometres due east. The longest single drive I've ever done and learnt a lot on the way... like there's a whole different set of road rules compared to the south west highways I'm used to, particularly when it comes to overtaking large vehicles and road trains. This is where, due to inexperience, I managed to get myself positioned between a huge truck towing a huge load and the Pilot vehicle behind it. Not the place to be and I now know this because my windscreen has the stone chips to prove it... Started the next day at the Super Pit, Australia's largest open cut gold mine. Essentially a massive 500 metre deep hole in the ground and one of the most amazing things I've ever seen. Could easily have sat there all day watching the Haul Packs and other machinery cruise up and down. From there it was off to do the Langtrees tour which [I swear] was my first time in a brothel. Kind of interesting but was a little creeped out by the strong disinfectant smell. Said goodbye to Kal on Thursday and headed 400kms directly south to a coastal town called Esperance which is nice, but to be honest, totally fucking boring... the drive however is spectacular. The landscape changes so dramatically from bush to forest to mining to agricultural to fields of green and yellow to coastal. Had no idea all that was in my own backyard. Thankfully less big trucks to deal with too but holy crap talk about your Grey Nomads - old farts in a four-wheel-drive towing a caravan or campervans etc. I used to think caravanning was dead, you don't see them anymore, but that's because they're all out there! Spent Friday exploring the Cape Le Grande National Park which is 50kms from Esperance and definitely a highlight. Weather was average so didn't walk around or climb shit much but enjoyed it immensely. Tonnes of bays and beaches, plains and mini mountainy things which are absolutely breathtaking. From there I did the Great Ocean Drive - a 40km circuit which admittedly offsets in part for the pointlessness of Esperance. Saturday. Depart west for Albany. Around 480kms but same deal as the drive to Esp - simply amazing countryside. So many places I had to stop and take photos... which was a tad inconvenient due to my fucking seatbelt buckle breaking for no good reason. It still worked, but you had to jiggle with it for a few minutes before it would lock in. Very annoying and not something you can go without when the roads are all 110km/hr zones. This was my second trip to Albany and appreciated it a lot more this time. The town is old with a long history and there's plenty to look at and do... unless it's a Sunday and everything is closed. Odd to drive down the main street of a major tourist town and find most places closed. Departed Monday for Dunsborough. Only about 400kms west but takes forever because there's so much to check out along the way and the route isn't direct. I love this drive. I could do it back and forward every day. You see a sign, a track, a road -whatever- and it will almost always lead somewhere interesting which incidentally is what happened on Hilltop Lookout. A track in the middle of nowhere which provided some awesome scenery and also claimed my front left tyre. Note to self: low profile rubber on isolated, pothole-ridden tracks is a bad idea... Took the next few days to explore all my usual favourite spots [beaches, wineries, towns, bakeries, wineries and wineries...] around the Margaret River Region and again a whole bunch of others I'd never before come across plus take some time to sit on my butt and chill out. Always a novelty to have a Wednesday and Thursday to myself where scrambling madly to get the update finished is not part of it. Friday was mixed emotions. Both glad and devastated to be heading home. The trip was perfect, much overdue and much needed but the longer I was gone the more cut off from the world I felt... and by that I mean insane family and friends, 16 hour work days and so on. Seriously - thank God [Steve Jobs?] for the iPhone and ability to check email just about anywhere. There's a whole bunch of pics below I snapped below if you're keen for a look. Let me know what you think! If not there's always the rest of the update. Check it... Get Off Ya Noodle!PerfectoTash's BeerfestFun With D&DLohan VaginaHuuuge BewbsPAWG Pornstars Kyla ColeThe Egg PrankBad HangoverNear MissFreakout KidScooter LoserFifty Percent Grey Sneak A PeakHitler's MessageFish ThiefAward MomentsPink BitsBody CheckedTowel-Matic Is it to soon to ask Whoopi Goldberg if she's heard from Patrick Swayze yet? How come rap artist Dr. Dre can use the 'n' word on his multi-million selling albums and win a MOBO award, yet when I used it at my son's football match I was asked to leave the park? Once again, it's one law for the rich and another for the poor. Why is it when your wife becomes pregnant, all her female friends rub her tummy and say 'congratulations'. But none of them rub your dick and say 'well done'. My granddad gave me some sound advice on his deathbed. "It's worth spending money on good speakers," he told me. A little boy went up to his father and asked: "Dad, where did my intelligence come from?" The father replied. "Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, 'cause I still have mine..." Hot Couple Fucking Spectacular Bike Wipeout What Not To Do Ah-1 Cobra Crash Gorgeous Blonde Hawaii Surf Fight Faints On Air No No I Want To Lead! REGGIE They told me the big black Lab's name was Reggie as I looked at him lying in his pen. The shelter was clean, no-kill, and the people really friendly. I'd only been in the area for six months, but everywhere I went in the small college town, people were welcoming and open. Everyone waves when you pass them on the street. But something was still missing as I attempted to settle in to my new life here, and I thought a dog couldn't hurt. Give me someone to talk to. And I had just seen Reggie's advertisement on the local news. The shelter said they had received numerous calls right after, but they said the people who had come down to see him just didn't look like "Lab people," whatever that meant. They must've thought I did. But at first, I thought the shelter had misjudged me in giving me Reggie and his things, which consisted of a dog pad, bag of toys almost all of which were brand new tennis balls, his dishes, and a sealed letter from his previous owner. See, Reggie and I didn't really hit it off when we got home. We struggled for two weeks (which is how long the shelter told me to give him to adjust to his new home). Maybe it was the fact that I was trying to adjust, too. Maybe we were too much alike. For some reason, his stuff (except for the tennis balls - he wouldn't go anywhere without two stuffed in his mouth) got tossed in with all of my other unpacked boxes. I guess I didn't really think he'd need all his old stuff, that I'd get him new things once he settled in. but it became pretty clear pretty soon that he wasn't going to. I tried the normal commands the shelter told me he knew, ones like "sit" and "stay" and "come" and "heel," and he'd follow them - when he felt like it. He never really seemed to listen when I called his name - sure, he'd look in my direction after the fourth of fifth time I said it, but then he'd just go back to doing whatever. When I'd ask again, you could almost see him sigh and then grudgingly obey. This just wasn't going to work. He chewed a couple shoes and some unpacked boxes. I was a little too stern with him and he resented it, I could tell. The friction got so bad that I couldn't wait for the two weeks to be up, and when it was, I was in full-on search mode for my cell phone amid all of my unpacked stuff. I remembered leaving it on the stack of boxes for the guest room, but I also mumbled, rather cynically, that the "damn dog probably hid it on me." Finally I found it, but before I could punch up the shelter's number, I also found his pad and other toys from the shelter. I tossed the pad in Reggie's direction and he snuffed it and wagged, some of the most enthusiasm I'd seen since bringing him home. But then I called, "Hey, Reggie, you like that? Come here and I'll give you a treat." Instead, he sort of glanced in my direction - maybe 'glared' is more accurate - and then gave a discontented sigh and flopped down with his back to me. Well, that's not going to do it either, I thought. And I punched the shelter phone number. But I hung up when I saw the sealed envelope. I had completely forgotten about that, too. "Okay, Reggie," I said out loud, "let's see if your previous owner has any advice"... CONTINUES HERE.... WESTERN AUSTRALIA by Orsm A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Alberta. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it." The old farmer Peter replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here." The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial lawyers in Canada and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own." The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes in Alberta. We settle small disagreements like this with the 'Three Kick Rule.' The lawyer asked, "What is the 'Three Kick Rule'?" The Farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to go first. I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up." The lawyer quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom. The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel-toed work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees! His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth. The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie. Summoning every bit of his will and remaining strength the lawyer very slowly managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "Okay, you old fart. Now it's my turn." The old farmer smiled and said, "Nah, I give up. You can have the duck." Don't Like The Taste Flying Low Watch That Step Getting Jiggy With It Extremely Enjoyable BJ Speed Boat Accident Drunk Driver Flying Fox Fail So, there's this yellow toad wandering around in the forest, kinda pissed off because he doesn't want to be yellow. Life would be easier if he were brown like the other toads. He'd sure be less visible to predators for one thing. Anyway... this yellow toad bumps into a fairy godmother. He begs her: "Fairy godmother, please make me brown like the other toads. I am tired of being so visible to predators and such." The fairy godmother whips out her magic wand and says "Abracapokus! You're brown!" The toad looks down and se es that he is brown except for his package, which is still yellow. He says to the fairy godmother: "Wait a minute! My pecker's still yellow!" To this the fairy godmother replies: "I don't do 'johnsons'". You will have to go see The Wizard of Oz for that." The toad thanks her and hops off on his way. There is also a purple bear wandering about the very same woods. As luck would have it, he encounters the very same fairy godmother. He implores her: "Fairy godmother, please make me brown like the other bears. None of the lady bears want to be seen with me on account of the hunters can spot me from a mile off." She, being a nice fairy godmother, takes out her magic wand and says: "Pokuscadabra! You're brown!" The bear looks down and sees that he is, in fact, brown with the exception of the ole twig and berries, they remain purple. He says: "My wang is still purple!" She says: "I don't do units, you will have to go see The Wizard of Oz for that." To this the bear replies: "Well that's just dandy, but how the hell do I find The Wizard of Oz?" The fairy godmother answers: "That's easy... just follow the yellow dick toad!" DEEPLY IN LOVE WITH DANI A duck hunter was out enjoying a nice morning on the marsh when he decided to take a leak... He walked over to a tree and propped up his gun. Just then a gust of wind blew, the gun fell over, and discharged... shooting him in the balls. Several hours later, lying in a hospital bed, he was approached by his doctor. "Well sir, I have some good news and some bad news.  The good news is that you are going to be OK.  The damage was local to your groin, there was very little internal damage, and we were able to remove all of the buckshot." "What's the bad news?" asked the hunter. "The bad news is that there was some pretty extensive buckshot damage done to your penis.  I'm going to have to refer you to my sister." "Well I guess that isn't too bad," the hunter replied. "Is your sister a plastic surgeon?" "Not exactly." answered the doctor, "She's a flute player in the Manchester Symphony Orchestra.  She's going to teach you where to put your fingers so you don't piss in your eye". SUCK IT DOWN! READER MAILMail returns with a very loud BANG! Leaving my inbox alone for a few weeks had me return home to over 400 new emails so what you'll find below is the cream of the crop. There's a shitload more which I'll post in the next couple of update but in the mean time you dudes should feel free to click here and keep filling my box with anything and everything. Lauren wrote: Subject: Raandom ShiteMr Orsm, You posted a picture of a clock in your RS this week - but I don't get the significance of it? I couldn't see anything wrong or funny or rude with it. the only thing I noticed was that the clock had 'IIII' instead of 'IV', but surely that can't be it. please enlighten me. Thanks. Looooooooots of people asked about this. I saw it as the four being wrong - should be IV not IIII. Pretty lame but I stared at it for V minutes before I worked it out. Problem is answered in the email below... -Orsm Pete H. wrote: Subject: Quick question... a lot of clocks with roman numerals on use IIII instead of IV. Try doing a google image search for "clock face" and have a gander at [this]. Its one of those things you don't notice until its pointed out I guess! I know I never knew about it until I was told a couple of years ago. Philip wrote: Subject: sad disgusting lion videoi saw this footage on tv years ago. the lion wasnt being hunted for sport, it was a maneater. Gill wrote: Subject: Re: Hamas Child BridesYou are so right as always Orsm. Keep up the great work. Surprisingly this has not hit Snopes yet, ah well. Lynx Raven Raide wrote: Subject: RE: Hamas Mass WeddingLooked it up, and you were right to call BS. While there was a mass wedding, with most of the grooms getting $500 (due to not being able to afford the cost of a wedding ceremony) the girls weren't the brides. From here, the youngest bride was 16, and given that the original video/story that people are basing it on comes from a site called WeJew. I would think it is safe to say there is more than just as little slanting going on here. The girls are probably the equivalent of Christian flower girls, that's all. jordaan wrote: Subject: requestI have been a long time reader of this web site, thus the reason i write this request, i am very patriotic and since south africa does not have a "nice site" with tru home grown honnies on i request that the south african readers send me some pics of nude south africa girls " asb nie boesman fotos nie". Thx manne <with held> wrote: Subject: garido house With regards to [this]. I also did the same. But then I found something creepy. In that picture, notice there is a van in the driveway. Now go to street view and head south. You will see the van drive out of the driveway and then follow the Google car to the next intersection. At the intersection, you can see the people in the car, a man driving, a woman in the front seat and what looks like someone in the back. What are the chances! Dubs wrote: Subject: For those interestedI recently undertook a build on my bike, here is a before and also some after shots. When can I take it for a spin? BTW I have never ridden a bike before - does that matter? -Orsm <with held> wrote: Subject: Warning Slut. With attachment this timeHeres a great status update. Please keep email confidential. Thanks <with held> wrote: Subject: filthy knickersHey Mr ORsm, A pic of my step daughters filthy knickers. She's 24, model looks and still a VIRGIN. I get great pleasure checking out her huge selection of g-strings. Sometimes I get em when they are still moist! Wrong on SO many levels. -Orsm V wrote: Subject: Belinda Neals OfficeThis is Belinda Neal's office on the Central Coast of NSW. Her husband John De La Bosca's office must be the one on the left. <with held> wrote: Subject: biker partybrothers of the wheel club party in west virginia.please withhold my info My invite get lost in the mail...? -Orsm John wrote: Subject: YOU JUST CAN'T FIX STUPIDSure Wish They Would Invent Something To Keep The Sun Out Of My Eyes. I have done this... -Orsm Ken wrote: Subject: Javelina (collared pecary) photosLong time fan. First time contributor blah blah blah. Javelina (technically, collared pecary) are native to northern Mexico and West Texas/New Mexico. These photos were taken at the Bellah Ranch just north of the Rio Grande in Terrell County, Texas. Game warden only lets us shoot two a year, so these are the only pictures you're getting this year. There's more available if you want them. Lovely little things, huh? Joseph wrote: Subject: Black GirlHere's a pic of a bimbo who had sex with me because she was pissed off and wanted to get back at her ex-fiancee. It's all good by me :) dean wrote: Subject: picsmate of mine found a camera plz hide details lov ya wk. Supaduck wrote: Subject: B-1How to pick up a B1 bomber. Who to blame... Pilot or riggers. What it takes to get a pretty airplane back up on it's legs when someone lands it gear-up.It's incomprehensible how this happened, except "someone forgot to put the gear handle down". OneMan wrote: Subject: Blasting incident (Queensland)oops... Kim wrote: Subject: aussie cockWas hoping you could post this on your site, I was fucked by this aussie guy with a huge cock and I wanted to share it with your readers. I took some photos before he did the deed and I look forward to Cumming back to Australia if all the men have tools like this one. Reminds me a bit of my own except I have substantially more girth and length. -Orsm Man Eater wrote: Subject: Now THIS is a petIF you thought the legend of the horse whisperer was impressive, here's an animal tale with even more bite. Rather than trying to tame wild stallions, fearless Costa Rican fisherman Chito prefers a playful wrestle in the water with his best pal Pocho - a deadly 17ft crocodile. <with held> wrote: Subject: How bout a real F40Dude, top site. Been following since 01. Came across the "F40" photos in reader mail last update. Have included some pics of a real F40 if you're interested. I got to have a perv at it while working at Barbagallo last year. Excuse the shitty phone camera quality. DtM wrote: Subject: Photos of the BlowoutPTT Montara blowout..... <with held> wrote: Subject: Mr. OrsmHere's some good shit. Attached are Pictures of some silly Russian bitch I talked to on an anonymous chat site. She's obviously not too shy, as you can see. Nice tits, too. Please hide details! Thank you sir, And splendid site. Ross wrote: Subject: Sydney dust stormSydney is experiencing a rather severe dust storm today - here's some photographs of just how bad it is !!!! You say it was a dust storm, I say it was a nod to Sydney's favourite website, Orsm.net. -Orsm Dj wrote: Subject: EmailingHere s one for you ..... the boys at work and how not to get your boat on the trailer...hope you like it. Greg wrote: Subject: accidentRussian Hydro plant accident This one requires PowerPoint or some sort of PP viewer people. -Orsm <with held> wrote: Subject: Black Is BeautifulI'm in awe! The blacker they are.... Seductive Strip Big Rally Car Crash Dog Humping Dog Scooter Vs Garage Tony, just about blind drunk, ambled into a bar and noticed a bucket behind the counter filled to the brim with cash. "Is there a contest on to win that dough?" Tony asked the bartender. "Yep," the barkeep responded, "It costs $50 to enter, and then you have to do three things: First you've got to knock out Spike, our 300-pound bouncer. Then we've got a pit bull out back with an abscessed tooth, and it's up to you to yank it out. Finally, the 90-year old lady who owns this place is upstairs. If you can give her a multiple - orgasm, all the money's yours." Tony was up for it. He paid the 50-buck fee and approached the hulking doorman. With a single blow, Tony knocked Spike the bouncer cold. Triumphant, Tony stormed into the bar's backyard. The patrons listened to the pit bulls ferocious bark for several minutes, which was followed by a series of hysterical yelps. Covered with nicks and scratches, Tony re-entered the saloon and yelled: "Two down! Now, where's that old broad with the abscessed tooth?" COME FLY WITH ME Yeah yeah! Check it... A crusty looking old man walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window, "I want to open a damn checking account." To which the astonished woman replies, "I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?" "Listen up, damn it. I said I want to open a damn checking account right now!" "I'm very sorry sir, but we do not tolerate that kind of language in this bank." With that the teller leaves the window and goes over to the bank manager to tell him about her situation. The both return and the manager asks the old geezer, "What seems to be the problem here?" "There's no damn problem", the man says, "I just won 50 million bucks in the damn lottery and I want to open a damn checking account in this damn bank!" "I see", says the manager, "and this fucking bitch is giving you a hard time, is she?" IT'S ALL ABOUT BRITTNEY A husband and wife decided they needed to use "code" to indicate that they wanted to have sex without letting their children in on it. They decided on the word Typewriter. One day the husband told his five year old daughter, "Go tell your mommy that daddy needs to type a letter". The child told her mother what her dad said, and her mom responded, "Tell your daddy that he can't type a letter right now cause there is a red ribbon in the typewriter." The child went back to tell her father what mommy said. A few days later the mom told the daughter, "Tell daddy that he can type that letter now." The child told her father, returned to her mother and announced, "Daddy said never mind with the typewriter, he already wrote the letter by hand." Closeup Creampie They All Fall Down ATV And Bikini's Don't Mix Randomness You guys have NO IDEA how close this update came to never existing. My birthday, friends in town, dinners, socialising, a drunken Saturday night, the kitchen project underway, a phone that has not stopped ringing - literally continual interruptions. I bring it on myself don't I? Shouldn't have scheduled everything this week, shouldn't have been born in September, shouldn't be so charismatic and likeable. That said, if you don't have such an exciting, action packed life then the following is for you... . They'll keep more amused than fat people. - Next update will be next Thursday... or maybe it wont. Will see what else is happening and let you know okay...?otherwise my friend Ray will paint the town... orange. Until next time be good, stay off the chems and happy birthday Nath. Enjoy. Mr. Orsm.

  Permalink  |  View Entire Page

Search the Site

Custom Search