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20 Nov 2008 07:52
Welcome to Orsm.net. Sweet AND salty.What is it about full moons that makes people flip the fuck out? We had a string of them last week and there was a noticeable air of craziness. I of course remained stable and unaffected but out in the real world people were just acting all cuckoo. From a cunt checkout operator who accused me with her eyes of being broke because my card wouldn't work [the bank was having issues] to the cunt truck driver tail-gating me so closely his balls were rubbing against my neck to the hostile pub patrons on the town Saturday night. Sort of like everyone was coming down from a huge Coke bender all in their own special way. Makes me think that sometimes when people get knifed/shot/stabbed/bashed they may have deserved it....Moving on... no doubt mentioned this before but there are two things I absolutely fucking hate shopping for. Shoes are one. So much so that I'll wear the ones I have until they are literally unwearable. The other is sunglasses. I don't trust my judgement so unless I've managed to coerce some poor friend into coming along with me it just doesn't happen. Anyway, a few weeks ago I managed to do just that. Found a pair I liked, that apparently didn't look completely stupid on me, got quoted a good price and right as I was about to whip out the plastic it occurred to me that I hadn't procrastinated nearly enough. So I went back a week later to buy but they'd been sold. This is where it got hard. The ring around - countless calls to countless stores trying to track them down. Most places didn't have them but the ones that did flatly refused to budge from 100% full retail price. Err no. In these glorious days of internet shopping I'll never cough full retail on anything and especially not when I was quoted 20% off two weeks earlier.The most disgusting part of this exercise was discovering the collusion that goes on between the sunglass stores. Every single retailer was within five cents of each other on price... and they will not move a skerrick on that price... unless you've been quoted cheaper elsewhere. Come again? All asked what price I'd been quoted and from where at which point they would jump on the phone, call that store and verify if they quoted the price or not. What they call price matching is actually price FIXING. Can anyone say 'breaking the law'? Dodgy fuckers.The biggest idiot was the guy with three pairs in stock who told me he wouldn't move on retail price due to the 'recession'. I asked if he was happy making no sale at all. Turns out he was. Smart business man that one. He'll go far.Thing is I was prepared to pay more for them locally than I could get them for online. Reason being the online ones were only available from overseas so the money that would otherwise have gone into the local, flailing sunglass store now goes overseas. Okay enough drivel. Not that anyone is reading it... I know that pretty much all of you probably scrolled straight past my blog so I could say almost anything here and no one would ever know... shit like how I'm not gay but get off to gay porn... or that I have a really, really small penis... or that I think Back Street Boys 'Everybody' is a great song... or that I pick my nose. And with that - check it...If you've been reading my site for any
period of time you would notice that each week I plug Newbie
Nudes. This just isn't because they are paying me to do
so... it's because Newbie
Nudes is easily the best site of its kind on the net today.
Hundreds of thousands of pics which are added to daily, tonnes
of vids and the ability to interact with thousands of people
that love to get their gear off and show what they've got...
did I mention it's all free too? Check
it now!Don't even think about paying for porn on the
net! What's the matter with you? Why are all you new surfers on
the net running around with your credit cards and paying for porn?
Don't you see that by paying for porn it ruins it for all of us
who get
it for free? Don't you see that the more people give in and
accept paying for porn the less free
porn we will see on the net? FreePornLessons.com teaches you the in's and out so check it out now!Touching SoftlyTasty TeenGame TimeKiller BoobsSexy NikkiLOL-ariousScarlettParty GirlsHogtiedGreek GodessPeel My BananaFucking Pain!Footy WivesThe RulesPETA PsychoCostaRican HoeBeer BongsButch BitchesAwesomenessGotta HurtSuperhero BabesRivettingVicki's ModelsRoller FailIf you listen to the liberal media, you will hear them ranting and raving about the historic events surrounding the inauguration of Barack Obama as the first black president... this is really pure BS. I don't see what the BIG deal is?!!! When January 20, 2009 rolls around... it'll just be another black family moving into government housing!!
Paddy takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night. She undresses & lies on the bed spreadeagled and says "You know what I want don't you?" "Yeah," says Paddy. "The whole fucking bed by the looks of it!"
The other day, Bill's wife asked him to go to the video store and get 'Scent of a Woman'. She hit him over the head when he came back with 'A Fish Called Wanda'.
--
Ralph and Mary just got to bed one evening. Ralph suddenly said, "Mary, if I were to die suddenly, I want you to immediately sell all my stuff." "Now why would you want me to do something like that?" Mary asked. "I figure that you would eventually remarry, and I don't want some other arsehole using my stuff..." "What makes you think I'd marry another arsehole?"
Un-Fucking-Believable
Taser Beater [Tough Mofo]
How Aussies Drink
USMC Cha ChaBONUS VIDEO: Xyla-catDefinitely GayEvil KangarooGaymann's EarDating Dorks'Was Not Aware'A REAL BUSH PILOT
This is a copy of a letter from a guy who lives out the back of Broken Hill.Phil. Hi Mate, I am writing to you, because I need your help to get me bloody pilots licence back (you keep telling me you got all the right contacts, well now's your chance to make something happen for me because, mate, I'm bloody desperate). But first, I'd better tell you what happened during my last flight review with the CAA (Commonwealth Aviation Authority) Examiner. On the phone, Ron (that's the CAA dickhead) seemed a reasonable sort of bloke. He politely reminded me of the need to do a flight review every two years. He even offered to drive out, have look over my property and let me operate from my own strip. Naturally I agreed to that.Anyway, Ron turned up last Wednesday. First up, he said he was a bit surprised to see the plane on a small strip outside my homestead because the ALA (Authorised Landing Area) is about a mile away. I explained that because this strip was so close to the homestead, it was more convenient than that strip, despite the power lines crossing about midway down the strip (it's not really a problem to land and take-off because at the half-way point down the strip, you're usually still on the ground).For some reason Ron seemed nervous. So, although I had done the pre-flight inspection only four days earlier, I decided to do it all over again. Because the prick was watching me carefully, I walked around the plane three times instead of my usual two.My effort was rewarded because the colour finally returned to Ron's cheeks - in fact they went a bright red. In view of Ron's obviously better mood, I told him I was going to combine the test flight with farm work, as I had to deliver three poddy calves from the home paddock to the main herd.After a bit of a chase, I finally caught the calves and threw them into the back of the ol' Cessna 172.We climbed aboard but Ron started gettin' into me about weight and balance calculations and all that crap. Of course I knew that sort of thing was a waste of time because calves like to move around a bit - particularly when they see themselves 500 feet off the ground, so it's bloody pointless trying to secure them, as you know. However, I did tell Ron that he shouldn't worry as I always keep the trim wheel set on neutral to ensure we remain pretty stable at all stages throughout the flight.Anyway, I started the engine and cleverly minimised the warm-up time by tramping hard on the brakes and gunning her to 2,500rpm. I then discovered that Ron has very acute hearing, even though he was wearing a bloody headset. Through all that noise he detected a metallic rattle and demanded that I account for it. Actually it began about a month ago and was caused by a screwdriver that fell down a hole in the floor and lodged in the fuel selector mechanism. The selector can't be moved now, but it doesn't matter because it's jammed on 'All tanks', so I suppose that's OK. However, as Ron was obviously a real nit-picker, I blamed the noise on vibration from a stainless steel thermos flask which I keep in a beaut little possie between the windshield and the magnetic compass. My explanation seemed to relax Ron because he slumped back in the seat and kept looking up at the cockpit roof. I released the brakes to taxi out but unfortunately the plane gave a leap and spun to the right."Hell" I thought, "not the starboard wheel chock again". The bump jolted Ron back to full alertness. He looked wildly around just in time to see a rock thrown by the prop wash disappear completely through the windscreen of his brand new Commodore. "Now I'm really in trouble", I thought. While Ron was busy ranting about his car, I ignored his requirement that we taxi to the ALA and instead took off under the power lines. Ron didn't say a word - at least, not until the engine started coughing right at the lift off point, then he bloody screamed his head off ... "Oh God! Oh God! Oh God!"... continues here.
LICHELLE MARIE 
SPANISH WORDS OF THE DAY
CHEESE - Maria likes me, but cheese fat.
MUSHROOM - When all my family get in the car, there's not mushroom.
SHOULDER - My fren wanted to become a citizen but she didn't know how to read so I shoulder.
TEXAS - My fren always Texas me when I'm not home wondering where I'm at!
HERPES - Me and my fren ordered pizza. I got mine piece and she got herpes.
JULY - Ju told me ju were going to tha store and July to me! Julyer!
RECTUM - I had two cars but my wife rectum!
CHICKEN - I was going to go to the store with my wife but chicken go herself.
WHEELCHAIR - We only have one enchalada left, but don't worry, wheelchair.
CHICKEN WING - My wife plays the lottery so chicken wing.
HARASSMENT - My wife caught me in bed with another women and I told her honey harassment nothing to me.
BISHOP - My wife fell down the stair so I had to pick the bishop.
BODY WASH - I want to go to the club but no body wash my kids.
BRIEF - Maria fart in my car and it stinkie so bad I could not brief.
Chubby & Fuckable
Extreme Reservoir Kayaking
Everything Is Fake
Monkey BathtimeA 13 year-old boy comes home from school and his mum asks how his day was. He replies, "I had sex with my teacher today." "Oh my god! You get to your room! Wait till your father comes home!", says the mum.A while later the father comes home and the mum says, "Go up to your son's room and talk to him. He's been really bad today." Dad goes up to the son's room and asks why mum is so mad. "I told her I had sex with my teacher today," replied the boy."Alright! That's my boy!", says Dad. "Ya know son, women just don't think like men. But I'm proud of you. What are you now, about thirteen, right? Wow. That's my son! Ya know what? I'm so proud of you I'm gonna take you out and buy you that new shiny bike you've been wanting!"So the dad and his son go out and buy the nicest, reddest, shiniest bike in the whole town. "You gonna ride it home son?" asks Dad. The boy replied, "Nah, my ass is still sore."CELEBRITY SIDE BOOB 
PEOPLE & THEIR DRINKS
IF WOMEN DRINK THESE DRINKS IN A PUB ... (NOT AT HOME)BEER
A recent magazine survey, interviewed fifty bartenders and they were asked if they could identify a customer's personality on what drinks they ordered? Although interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts. The results:
Personality: Casual, low maintenance; down to earth.
Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.
COCKTAILS OR BLENDER DRINKS WITH UMBRELLA
Personality: Flaky, annoying, dizzy, and a pain in the ass.
Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabin boy.
MIXED DRINKS - NO UMBRELLAS [GIN AND TONIC / SCOTCH AND SODA]
Personality: Mature, has picky taste; knows what she wants.
Approach: If she wants you, she'll send YOU a drink.
WATER
Personality: Pretentious and is looking for a serious relationship.
Approach: Don't.
WINE - BOTTLED, NOT CASK
Personality: Conservative and classy, sophisticated.
Approach: Try and weave Paris and clothing into the conversation.
ALCOPOPS - BACARDI BREEZER, SMIRNOFF ICE, ETC
Personality: Easy; thinks she is trendy and sophisticated actually has no clue.
Approach: Make her feel smarter than she is... and you're in.
SPIRITS - CC, WILD TURKEY, SOUTHERN COMFORT
Personality: Watch out, they are unique! A real mixture of personalities. Love to be laid!
Approach: Talk dirty to them whilst challenging them intellectually – you're in.
CAPE VELVET
Personality: Annoying voice, bit of a tart.
Approach: Stand close and mention the alley next to the pub.
SHOTS & SLAMMERS - TEQUILA, VODKA, COWBOYS, AFTERSHOCK ETC.
Personality: Hangs around with male work pals or looking to get drunk.
Approach: Easiest hit in the pub, Nothing to do but wait...
SPIRITS - JACKS, BEAM & BUNDY
Personality: Enjoys male company more than females, loves to party hard.
Approach: Keep buying them drinks, they'll think you're a nice bloke and they are probably trying to work out how to get you to bed!IF MEN DRINK in a PUB.. (As always, very simple and clear cut.)CIDER
He's probably under-aged and wants to get laid.
CHEAP DOMESTIC BEER
He's poor / student and wants to get laid.
CASTLE LAGER BEER
He likes good beer and wants to get laid.
IMPORTED BEER
He's old, likes good beer and wants to get laid.
GUINNESS
The man is a rapist and will get laid one way or another.
WATER
He just threw up and is trying to wash the taste out of his mouth so that he can still get laid.
WINE
He's hoping that the wine thing will give him a sophisticated image and help him get laid.
VODKA OR BRANDY
Extremely horny hound, would shag a warm scarf. Desperate to get laid.
PORT
Thinks he's sophisticated, secretly likes men and wants to get laid.
WHISKY/JACK DANIELS
He doesn't give two $hits about anything and will hit anyone who will get in his way of getting laid.
JIM BEAM
Not as masculine as the whisky drinker, knows all about feminine activities (knitting, crochet etc.) to weasel himself into getting laid.
RUM OR TEQUILA
Likes fighting almost as much as getting laid.
ALCOPOPS - BACARDI BREEZER, SMIRNOFF ICE, ETC
He's gay (blatantly) - don't turn your back or pick up any dropped change.GROUNDED 
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READER MAIL
For everyone that hasn't taken the time to share something with your fellow Orsm-er's then hang your pathetic heads in shame. You suck so much that I had to spread rumours about you giving head to homeless guys because you enjoy it. It is however possible to atone for your sins by rapidly firing emails my way. Simply fill my inbox with whatever you've got lying around - could be jokes, stupid videos, Ex pics, an RS submission... absolutely anything you can strap to an email and I'll forgive you. It's as easy as clicking here and making the magic happen.
This week's RM is simply ginormous. More cool shit than you'll find on the rest of the internet combined and far, FAR less annoying than Andre Rieu. The whole 'Dear Red States' thing got a few responses too. Some witty, some not. You can read the ones that were worth reading here.Megan wrote:
Subject: Net filtering
Even though there isn't an opt-out option, apparently there are 2 filtering types: one that blocks all content unsuitable for children and one that blocks only illegal content. So hopefully there's still some hope (if in fact it's true). Either way the idea stinks because 1- forcing all Australians to not visit LEGAL sites is removing our personal liberty and that's bloody well not on, and 2- it's sending the message to parents that "You don't need to take responsibility for your children's internet usage, we'll just do it for you at the expense of the whole fucking country". Douchbags.AND there's evidence that even the best whatever-the-fuck-its-called (filtering software?) censors things that shouldn't be censored. The public hates the idea and the software isn't even accurate. What fucking idiots.
AND child porn isn't even available via a regular internet site! It's all in private p2p networks that the filter can't censor anyway! So basically people who want to can still access the illegal content while the rest of us law-abiding citizens are censored! I'm SO FUCKING ANGRY. Fuck you Rudd.
Me wrote:
Subject: Australian Censorship
Hey! What seems to me to be more of a threat than internet porn is the little girlies showing their nasty bits to the little boys in person. After all, my first glimpse of pink was in a classroom, under a table, when teacher was not looking, from a little girl named Ellen who liked playing "I'll show you mine if you show me yours".The best way I can see to block access to this sort of thing would have to be some sort of mandatory locking underwear fitted to anyone under the age of 18, or possibly 21. It could even be set to explode on tampering, removing said naughty bits from view permanently. This would also have the added benefit of preventing child molestation by making the object of a pedophile's desire unattainable without (or by, in some cases) destroying that very object. Quite possibly we would have to block their little mouths, as well, but that will remain on the "to do" list for the present. The sooner we implement this personal porn filter on any and all children, the sooner we protect them from themselves.
It is entirely possible that the youngsters would devise ways to work around the filter, such as drawing their nasty parts and showing each other, but the mandatory mittens and handcuffs should slow this down as well. In 18-21 years we will have raised a new, clean generation, completely incapable of sexual reproduction. Everybody wins! I am not an Australian, but I sympathize with those who can't bear to think that little Johnny will view a vagina before the age of consent. Possibly we should just blind the precious little muffins instead, thereby precluding the possibility that they should become impure before they learn to even drive or drink whiskey. Of course, some unenlightened "parents", if they may be called such, may object, but it is for the good of the child, which must ALWAYS come first. It is, after all, the greatest danger these children will ever face, and removing it by possibly even removing said nasty parts from the children themselves will undoubtedly save their little souls from the tortures of hell, or whatever other unthinkable fate awaits those who view vaginas, breasts and such.
Of course, breast feeding is out, as is urinating in any but the strictest of controlled circumstances. We can cork and clamp their little dinguses and wee-wees, thereby preventing the possibility of unauthorized elimination in questionable surroundings. The benefits so far outweigh the possible costs that any right minded citizen must agree it is to be done forthwith. Only when we remove the root cause of these problems will our children be safe from themselves. Get it together, Australia! If you want to lead in the worldwide war on porn, gain the forefront by removing sex organs from all babies at birth. We have the technology to asexually clone the next generation, now let us use it. Lord only knows it is a small price to pay to keep our little snowflakes pure.
The sad thing is that at some point, some moron minister or issues group is going to come along and try pushing through even more extreme measures. How long until internet access is restricted to commercial use only? The do-gooders of the world need to accept that people are always going to get hurt/killed/abused/upset/ridiculed/whatever. It happened even before we knew what the internet was and no amount of nannying and protecting us from ourselves will ever stop it. -Orsm
Tim wrote:
Subject: Hotel Soiftel toilets
These dunnies are open to the public, just take the lift up to the 33rd floor (atrium) from the driveway at 25 Collins St. There is a pool on one of the buildings below it, but I have only ever seen one couple making out there. You can see the footy/cricket at the MCG from there. Spend the money you would have spent going up to the Rialto/Eureka tower in a pub somewhere instead.Mark wrote:
Subject: Great email address.
This was in my letterbox today. An outstanding effort, I'm sure you'll agree. Could only be improved if it was petertherapist.Surely, SURELY not...? Brilliant. -Orsm
Sean wrote:
Subject: California's Prop 8
Greetings, First time, long time, yada, yada, yada. Prop. 8 was put on the November voting ballot, this being the text: This initiative measure is submitted to the people in accordance with the provisions of Article II, Section 8, of the California Constitution. This initiative measure expressly amends the California Constitution by adding a section thereto; therefore, new provisions proposed to be added are printed in italic type to indicate that they are new. SECTION 1. Title. This measure shall be known and may be cited as the “California Marriage Protection Act.” SECTION 2. Section 7.5 is added to Article I of the California Constitution, to read: SEC. 7.5. Only marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in California. And here's how a pic showing how I feel about thatmike wrote:
Subject: seen yesterday on youtube!
think its funny ;) post it, would be great. - love your site. best greetings,
Nathan wrote:
Subject: cool pic for the site
dunno why I never thought of sending this before, but been reading the site for years, blah blah blah. Took this December 9, 2006 near Titusville, FL. of the Space Shuttle taking off for the last night launch before yesterday.
Biffo wrote:
Subject: Burger king
Thought you might like this sign failure pic. Thats the bit I always throw out of my burger!For the record... if that were in Australia it would say 'GRY JAC'... -Orsm
Steve wrote:
Subject: Christmas - Broome style
G'day Mr Orsm, Beaut web site keep it up. Here are some photos of Broome locals getting into the Christmas Spirit & V.B.Hope you can put them to good use. It's good to see that you're a West Coast supporter, Go the Eagles!! Kennedy Hill mob gettin into the spirit,..........oh and the VB. Only 5 Weeks till Christmas, so here is a little Christmas spirit to help you get into it ....... GET THE FLAGON OUT BRUDDDAH !! IT'S NEARLY CHRISTMAS
<with held> wrote:
Subject: pic
Hi from the Canadian West Coast!! Love your site..check all the weekly updates. I wore this shirt to the bar last week, got more laughs from the girls than from the dudes.... please hold my info....
Andrew wrote:
Subject: brissy storm photos..
Here's some amazing photo's from Brisbane's storms over the weekend. Hide my details thanks..
<with held> wrote:
Subject: this weeks girls kissing
I recognized the first pic from girls kissing. Had few more pics of those two rolling around my computer, and thought I'd share. please hide my detailsExcellent. Truly. -Orsm
Iain wrote:
Subject: Next time.....
Next time, I'll take the pictures............ YOU can let the bear out!!!
bill wrote:
Subject: Hole punch
Hope Downs new 777, good way for letting the air out of new tyres.Got a bicycle repair kit around here somewhere if you want it...? Let me know. -Orsm
Alex wrote:
Subject: Emailing
History of Presidential Limos
<with held> wrote:
Subject: Cars aren't the reason to goto SEMA...
First off... great site! I love that it's updated every Thursday like clockwork, and the content kicks ass! I do have one little issue though... the SEMA show isn't really about the cars. It's about the ladies! I've attached a couple of picks of some cars too... if that's your kind of thing... Hide my info please... just in case the ladies come a lookin... Peace!
Phillip wrote:
Subject: Last night's car crash - awesome photos!
Hiya, I was riding along Great Eastern Highway in Cloverdale at about 9:30pm last night and came across a car crash scene. A BMW had left the road, taken out a power pole and then caught fire. It was an interesting little inferno. Apparently no one was badly hurt. One of the fire brigade guys mentioned something about the driver being done for pissy driving. Oops, that will mean no insurance.
Billy wrote:
Subject: Ex GF pics/videos
Here is some pics of ex gf hide my info.Girls... this is how to please your man. -Orsm
cunnox wrote:
Subject: OMG, is all I could say! but i wish i had a mum and dad like them.
The £100,000 white wedding for the 16-year-old girl who lives in a caravan. What Daddy's little girl wants Daddy's little girl gets. So when Missy Quinn insisted on a big white wedding with her boyfriend, her father said Yes. It didn't matter that she was only 16 and the groom 17. Daddy also said Yes to a £16,000 wedding dress (which looked suspiciously like a crop top and skirt) and Yes to 150 guests at the reception. Then there were the cars, the hotels, the tiara and the £500 bouquet.
<with held> wrote:
Subject: FT201 v Skippy
Cop Car vs. Skippy. Hide the details..thanks.
<with held> wrote:
Subject: Chick Picks
Hey Mate, big fan of the site, love all you do. Here's some pics of a chick I hooked up with on a business trip. Not too bad, had "F" cup fake boobs, and not a bad lay. Just wanted to finally give back to the site that has given me so much. Please hide my detals. Thanks.Not too bad for an oldie! -Orsm
Byron wrote:
Subject: Mad Bike Burnout
Hey mate check this burnout out!And that ladies and gentleman is how its done. -Orsm
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See THOUSANDS of Fling.com profiles from !As a young Priest in Whyalla, I was asked by a funeral director to hold a grave-side service for a homeless man, who had no family or friends. The funeral was to be held at a new cemetery way back in the country, and this man would be the first to be buried there.
I was not familiar with the bush and I soon became lost. Being a typical man, I did not stop to ask for directions.I finally arrived an hour late. I saw the backhoe and the open grave, but the hearse was nowhere in sight. The digging crew was eating lunch. I apologised to the workers for my tardiness, and I stepped to the side of the open grave. There I saw the vault lid already in place.I assured the workers I would not hold them up for long, as I told them that this was the proper thing to do. The workers gathered around the grave and stood silent by, as I began to pour out my heart and soul.As I preached about 'looking forward to a brighter tomorrow' and 'the glory that is to come' the workers began to say 'Amen. Praise the Lord,' and 'Glory!'. The fervour of these men truly inspired me.So, I preached and I preached like I had never preached before, all the way from Genesis to Revelations. I finally closed the lengthy service with a prayer, thanked the men, and walked to my car.As I was opening the door and taking off my coat, I heard one of the workers say to another, "I ain't NEVER seen nothin' like that before, and I've been puttin' in septic tanks for thirty years!'LELA STAR 
The doctor said, "Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."
Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He had no choice but to go under the knife. When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realised that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life.He saw a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I need... a new suit." He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit." The elderly tailor eye d him briefly and said, "Let's see... size 44 long." Joe laughed, "That's right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years!" the tailor said. Joe tried on the suit it fit perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?" Joe thought for a moment and then said, "Sure." The salesman eyed Joe and said, "Let's see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck." Joe was surprised, "That's right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years." Joe tried on the shirt and it fit perfectly. Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, "How about some new underwear?" Joe thought for a moment and said, "Sure." The salesman said, "Let's see... size 36." Joe laughed, "Ah ha! I got you! I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old."The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache."
RANDOM SHITE
You dudes have had it far too good for far too long. You know what that means dontcha? Check it...
A Texan walked into a brothel in New Orleans and bellied up to the bar."M name is John. Everyone calls me Big Bad John. I come from Texas, ladies and gents. I'm six foot four and 225 pounds of dynamite. And I want me the best dang whore in the place."The madam calls over Dallas Rose, her best girl and sends them upstairs to one of the rooms.When they were undressing, he went through his Big Bad John routine again.A few minutes later Dallas Rose comes running madly down the stairs shouting, "Run, run for your lives. There's 225 pounds of dynamite upstairs with a two inch fuse!"MOTORCYCLE CRAZY 
A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and orders a drink. Looking around, he sees three men sitting at a corner table. He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over, looks the biggest, meanest, biker in the face and says:
"I went by your grandma's house today and I saw her in the hallway buck naked. Man, she is one fine looking woman!" The biker looks at him and doesn't say a word. His buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker and would fight at the drop of a hat.
The drunk leans on the table again and says:"I got it on with your grandma and she is good, the best I ever had!" The biker's buddies are starting to get really mad but the biker still says nothing.
The drunk leans on the table one more time and says, "I'll tell you something else, boy, your grandma liked it!"
At this point the biker stands up, takes the drunk by the shoulders looks him square in the eyes and says... "Grandpa... go home! You're drunk!"
Hot German Blonde
Rickshaw Fail
Cow Nailed By Plane
Where'd WHO Go...?Well... . Go onnnn... - Next update will be next Thursday. And not a moment before!otherwise my friend Ray will get kind of annoyed.Until next time be good, stay off the chems and Happy Birthday Ray. Enjoy. Mr. Orsm.
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